


Charcoal Fingers

by katiecollins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-08 09:59:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 39,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiecollins/pseuds/katiecollins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise, and so he goes up to investigate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel looked upward at his shaking ceiling. The man upstairs walked around like he was trying to break through the floor. He played rock music much too loud too, which Castiel wasn't bothered about too much. It’s just that all the other neighbors introduced themselves and helped him move in and some of them even brought lasagna and cassarole. Apparently it was a rite of passage or something because Cas had nearly ten of them stuffed into his too small fridge.

The music started, some song with a heavy bass, and the floor shakes more. Hopefully it wouldn't fall in. Castiel sighed and then decided to just go upstairs and introduce himself. Maybe the man had a problem with his legs, and that’s why he stomped. And perhaps he was hard of hearing. Of course, that’s why he played his music so loud.

Cas took a shower and slid on one of his argyle sweaters his brother Gabriel had encouraged him to buy. Gabriel had been joking, of course, but Castiel had taken to them. They were soft and warm. Cas grabbed one of the lasagnas on his way out to give to the loud man.

Castiel knocked once. And then he realized that the music was probably too loud and that the knock on the door was lost in the pumping beat. He knocked louder, practically pounding on the door. Three, four times.

The door opened. ‘What do you want?” 

Castiel’s mouth opened a little bit. The man was gorgeous. He had strong arms and a green plaid shirt that made his grass green eyes stick out. He had a smear of black right above his left eyebrow like he had been doing car work and he had forgotten to wipe it off.

“Hello? Earth to whoever you are.” The man asked a little aggressively.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Castiel.” He stuck out his hand, bracing the tin wrapped lasagna against his hip. “I just moved into the apartment below you."

“Are you going complain about my music because I really don’t fucking care.” He looked like he was about to slam the door in Cas' face.

“No, no.” Castiel put his hand down at his side uncomfortably. Obviously he wasn’t the shaking hand type. “I just wanted to bring you this lasagna and introduce myself. I have a lot of it from the other residents and I… sorry. Here.” Cas put his head down, embarrassed, and held out the box.

“Oh.” The man. took the lasagna with one hand, shifting from foot to foot. “ I've never had anyone not complain about my music before. I’m Dean Winchester.”

“I like it.” Castiel said. 

“Thanks” Dean looked at Cas in the eye for the first time. “For the food, I mean.”

Dean mentally slapped himself. Why was he getting flustered? He didn't get flustered. This was just some nerdy looking guy with a red argyle sweater that made his blue ocean eyes stand out. He was pretty but Dean didn't want to get involved with anyone. He had practically made a pact with himself not to get involved with anyone.

“Well… um. I’ll be down below you if you ever need anything.” Castiel went to turn around.

“Wait!” Dean half-shouted.

Castiel looked confused. “Yes?” 

“Do you want to come in?” Dean asked. “I can't eat this whole thing by myself. And my brother’s out with his girlfriend, so we have the place to ourselves.” He shrugged.

Castiel considered for a moment. The man was kind of rude before, but also seemed to redeem himself by offering to share the food. And well, he was pretty dang cute.

“Sure” Cas decided.

Dean’s apartment was pretty small with two rooms with their doors wide open and a small kitchen and living room area. There was a worn couch and a small television and a table and chairs but not much else.

“My brother’s name is Sammy.” Dean laughed. It was a beautiful laugh, Castiel thought. “But don't call him that. Call him Sam.” He rolled his eyes. "He gets mad when people call him Sammy."

“Oh, okay. He’s out with his girlfriend?” Castiel asked as Dean grabbed two forks from a drawer. He sat down at the table and gestured for Cas to grab a seat. Cas slid down into the wooden chair, taking a fork from Dean's hand.

“Yeah. Her name’s Jessica. She’s nice and I think she’s good for him. He needs someone other than me to keep him company while he’s studying to get into college.” Dean basically shoveled the lasagna into his mouth. “He’s obviously the smart one in the family.”

Castiel didn't really want to talk about Sam, he wanted to talk about Dean. “What do you do, Dean?”

The way Cas said Dean’s name made shivers shoot up Dean’s spine. What the fuck was going on? Dean thought. He didn’t get like this, he didn’t get “butterflies.” Not since Lisa, and that was a long time ago. He hadn't felt flustered in so long.

“I uh, I’m an artist.” The corners of Dean’s mouth crooked upwards.

“What method do you prefer?” Cas asked, taking small bites of the food. “One of my brothers once enjoyed painting.”

Dean smirked. “I prefer charcoal. It’s dirty and real and I don’t really know why. I guess it’s ‘cause I get to work a lot with my fingers. I can smear it around and make it look how I want just with my two hands.”

“Can I see one of your pieces?” Cas asked. He looked at the black smear above Dean’s eyebrow. It must be charcoal.

NO! Dean thought. Dean never showed anybody. Dean hardly showed Sammy. Sam always had to be a total snoop to see Dean’s sketchbook. He sometimes went through Dean's drawers just to get a glimpse.

“I’ve never been in like, a museum or anything.” Dean shrugged.

“That’s all right.” Cas asked. He was waiting for Dean to get his sketchbook.

Dean frowned for just a second and then he scooted his chair back. “Be right back.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise, and so he goes up to investigate.

“This is beautiful, Dean.” Castiel said in awe.

Dean had to clench his fists at his side to stop himself from snatching the sketchbook away. He didn't want to be judged for his work. Because Dean knew that sometimes people said "it's beautiful" when they really thought it sucked.

“Why an angel?” Cas brushed his fingers along the white corners of the picture.

The angel on the page had giant black wings and his face was down turned so that you couldn't see his features. The background was sort of a heavenly apocalypse type thing with fighting angels and broken buildings and it was so detailed and so amazing. 

Dean shrugged. “I have dreams sometimes. About angels. Probably something I got from my mom. She always said angels were watching over me when I slept and I guess I just took it literally or something.” He sounded sad and a little bitter.

“Where do your parents live?” Cas asked innocently.

Dean snatched the sketchbook away and shoved it in a drawer. “My mom died when I was a kid and my dad died about six years ago.” Dean’s voice was low and feral.

“I’m sorry” Cas said. “I don't even know who my mother is and my dad died when I was young.” 

Dean softened, looking up at the other man with kind eyes. “Well I guess we have something in common.”

Cas looked back at him. “I guess we do.”

Dean had the strange impulse to just take the sides of his face and kiss him right on his slightly chapped lips, but instead he turned around and put the foil back on top of the lasagna, muttering something about how it was probably gonna go bad if they didn't put in in the fridge. 

His mutterings were interrupted when the front door opened. Cas looked at the man entering and thought that it was probably Sam. The man had long brown hair and he was so, so tall. A pretty blonde trailed behind him, laughing. Her laugh was high and tinkly. 

“Oh Dean I didn't know you had company” Sam winked, sauntering over to Dean to slap him on the back.

“Shut up, Sammy.” Dean ducked around Sam and went over to hug Jessica. “Hi Jess.” He smiled.

He had a nice smile, Castiel thought.

“Hi Dean.” Jessica said. Then she looked at Cas.

“Who’s this?” She laced her fingers through Sam’s, a sweetly human gesture, but Cas smiled at it. 

Before Dean could speak, Cas said “I’m Castiel Novak.” 

“Hi Castiel!” Jess trilled. 

“We were gonna eat here, is that okay if we eat with you guys?”

“Cas was just—” Dean began.

“I was just leaving.” 

Dean met Cas’ eyes. “Very nice meeting you all.” Cas said.

“Nice meeting you too!” Jess and Sam chimed together before dissolving into a fit of laughter.

Dean didn’t say anything, not even goodbye or thank you for the food, much to Cas' dismay. 

Cas closed the door.

While Cas walked downstairs he mentally cursed himself. He had broken up with Balthazar at least two years ago and he had not had a boyfriend since. But how dare he think Dean was beautiful. He didn't deserve a guy like Dean. 

Cas got in his apartment and replaced his sweater with an old worn green T-shirt. He got a book, A Tale Of Two Cities that his sister Anna had recommended, and he laid on his bed and read until he fell asleep.

He awoke with a knock on the door. Castiel internally groaned. He did not want another casserole. He decided then and there that the only things that he would take from his too-hospitable neighbors were cake or cookies. Because who would turn down any kind of dessert?

He ran a hand through his hair because he probably looked sleep mussed and opened the door. It was Dean. Cas was suddenly very, very self conscious. 

“I forgot to ask you what you did?” Dean's words slid off Dean's tongue and got tangled on the way out.

“What?” Cas asked, confused.

“I forgot to ask you where you worked. Or whatever. I don't know, I just talked a fucking lot about myself. And I didn't ask you anything.”

“Uh, I work at the coffee shop down the street.” Cas said softly.

“Heaven’s Brew?” Dean asked. 

“That’s the one.” Cas said.

There was a lot of silent space and Cas was nearly suffocated by the awkward, uncomfortable quiet in the moments before Dean would speak. Cas didn't know what to say. He contemplated for a quick second maybe asking Dean out, but Cas shot down the idea immediately. Cas shook his head, thinking why on earth would a guy like Dean, who could get really anyone he wanted, want a guy like Cas? Dean shifted from foot to foot and then he looked up into Castiel’s summer rain eyes.

“Can I pick you up sometime? And maybe we can get some lunch. Or something. I know a good place. If you want.” Dean asked.

Cas considered for a few moments. He was quiet for so long that Dean started to look really nervous, fiddling with his hands.

“Sure” Cas said.

Dean breathed out in relief and then grinned. “Awesome.” He said. And then he turned around to walk down the hallway back up to his apartment.

Cas closed the door and then he nearly ripped it open again. “Dean!” Cas called. 

Dean stopped in his tracks and turned around. 

"I work on weekdays.” Cas said. "So if you want to come pick me up, I work then."

Dean winked. “Good to know.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise, and so he goes up to investigate.

Cas spent the entire week waiting for Dean to come in to Heaven's Brew. Every single time the bell rang that signaled customers coming in Cas would look up, excited. But it was never Dean.

“Baby bro, I don’t know what you think’s gonna happen.” Gabriel laughed while squirting whipped cream on top of a customer's drink.

“He was gonna pick me up for lunch one of these days.” Cas frowned.

Gabriel handed the drink to the customer who thanked him and walked away. “Maybe he felt bad. You know, there's a new guy at your apartment. He brings you lasagna. Makes you feel guilty about not asking him about his job. Blah, blah, blah. So you tell him that you’re gonna pick him up for lunch one of these days and then you just don't.” Gabriel shrugged.

“Don't be cruel, Gabe.” Cas turned around and went into the back to get more coffee beans. 

The bell rang and the door banged against the wall. “What can I get for ya?” Gabriel asked.

“Uh, hi. Is Castiel here today?” Oh god it was Dean’s voice. Castiel swooned and nearly dropped the box of coffee beans he was gripping so tightly to his chest.

“Yeah, my baby brother’s in the back doing… I don't know.. something probably.” You could hear the laugh bubbling up in Gabriel’s voice.

“You’re Cas’ brother?” Dean asked. "I'm Dean Winchester."

“I'm one of a few.” Gabriel said. “And now I have a face to match the man Cas has been incessantly blabbering about. I’ll get him.” 

Cas blushed. Incessantly talking about seemed so creepy, he thought. He would have to somehow get Gabriel back later on somehow. The door opened and Gabriel came in the back room and looked at Cas standing there with a petrified look on his face. 

“He is cute.” Gabriel whispered, winking.

Cas punched his shoulder. “Oh, shut up.” Cas said. He mustered up the courage and came out of the door. Casually saying “hi Dean.”

“Hi Cas.” Dean was wearing a nice blue plaid shirt and his leather jacket that was practically glued to his body at all times. 

Cas stammered “hi.” And then he rolled his eyes at himself because HE HAD ALREADY SAID HI and he was completely blowing it by being hopelessly awkward.

“Can you take off for lunch?” Dean asked, inching closer to Cas.

The bell rang again.

Cas looked over to see who it was. It was Anna. 

“Hey guys.” She said as she tucked a piece of long red hair into her ponytail. She was smiling. 

“Dean, this is my sister Anna. Anna is this my… friend Dean.” Cas hoped that Anna didn’t catch his hesitation before the word friend.

“Hmm. Friend, huh?” Anna laughed. She definitely caught the hesitation. She smiled at Dean.

“Anna just cover my shift okay Dean and I are going to go to lunch somewhere.” Cas blurted.

“I will most definitely cover your shift so you can go hang out with your boyfriend.” Anna winked.

Cas frowned at Anna, mentally cursing her for calling Dean his boyfriend.

“Uh, yeah. Nice to meet you.” Dean shifted from foot to foot.

“You too.” Anna disappeared into the back to get her uniform. 

Cas hung up his annoying yellow apron and took off his dumb hat with the wings on it and tried to fix his hair. “You look fine.” Dean said under his breath, smiling.

Cas was too shocked to speak. He didn't think he even looked a little bit good, but it was really nice that Dean would lie. Even Balthazar hadn't been willing to lie for Cas' benefit. Cas grinned so wide he felt like he would split his face wide open.

“Are we walking?” Cas asked.

Dean laughed for a long time. “I don’t walk, honey.” His voice was sarcastic and smirked. Cas was a little worried as they walked up to a shiny black car. “This is my baby. She’s cherry because I just fixed the dent that some asshole made in my hood.” He grimaced and then looked at Cas. "I got her from my dad when I was young."

Dean seemed very proud. 

“That’s an… Impala… right?” Cas asked. He really had no idea but he read the little silver metal lettering printed on the side.

Dean seemed impressed. “1967. Best year. You just wait to see how she runs. She purrs.” Dean said. “I could sell her for upwards of 30K, but I would never do that. She's kinda like a family heirloom. And why would I have a crappy generic car like one of those Ford trucks or something like a Prius. Even the Impala now looks weird, too much like every other car. You know?” 

Dean got in the front seat and Cas got in the passenger seat. The seats were leather and the car smelled so much like Dean, like cinnamon and spicy cologne. “ I'm just warning you. If Sammy drives with us at any point, you're probably gonna get sentenced to the back. He likes his spot. Actually he’d like my spot better, but he'd only get to drive this car if I was dead. Even then, I wouldn't like it.” Dean laughed again.

His laugh was beautiful.

“We’re gonna go to Harvelle Roadhouse. It’s awesome there. They have a lot of different sorts of food. You’ll love it. It’s great. It's mostly barbeque but I think they have other things.” Dean was kind of rambling.

“I've heard of it.” Cas said. He had heard it mentioned once by Gabriel as “the best damn barbeque joint in the whole world.”

“Do you like barbeque?” Dean asked. “Because uh, we can go somewhere else. If you want.”

“Yeah, I like it.” The car started and they started to drive just as the sun disappeared behind the mountains. The sky was stained with a mixture of deep purple and red.

Well Cas didn’t actually like barbeque. He just liked Dean Winchester.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise, and so he goes up to investigate.

Turns out, Castiel hadn't had the barbeque at Harvelle’s because this kind of barbeque he liked. This was the kind of food that he could eat every day and not get tired of eating it. Unlike when Anna tried to make barbeque at home, which was something he did not like. Most of all, he liked Dean. Even more than the barbeque.

When Dean would laugh Cas would just look at him. He would laugh at all of Cas' terrible jokes and even besides that, Cas loved the way the little wrinkles around his eyes would crease and he would just throw his whole head back, putting his whole body into his laugh. And then he would sit back up, make a joke to counter Cas' and wait for Cas to laugh instead. 

Cas always laughed.

Dean and Cas ate ribs and wiped the sauce on the paper towels and then just sat for a while, watching a baseball game on television. Castiel didn't know what was going on, but Dean seemed to like it so Cas just cheered whenever Dean did. Dean was rooting against the Cincinnati Reds for some reason, and Cas was rooting against them too.

“Hey d’ya need anything else?” The waiter came over. He had a mullet, his pants were unbuttoned, and his brown plaid shirt had a name sticker pinned on it that read “Dr. Badass.” 

“No, man. We’re good.” Dean smiled.

“Thank you.” Cas said, sipping his root beer through a straw.

“Want me to get Ellen and Jo so you can say hi or whatever?” Dr. Badass rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, Ash. That’d be good. I’d like to introduce them to Cas here. Oh, yeah. Ash this is Castiel, and vice versa.” Dean smirked.

Ash nodded hello and walked away without another word.

“Who are Ellen and Jo?” Cas asked Dean.

Dean’s smirk widened into a grin. “Ellen and Jo are family friends. They're neighbors with Bobby, who's another family friend.”

A woman walked over, her purple shirt tucked into her western style pants. She walked with a sort of drawled laziness and she trailed a beautiful petite blonde girl behind her. She looked rather familiar. The blonde blushed when she saw Dean and tried to hide it with a grimace. She must like Dean, Cas thought.

“Hi Ellen.” Dean said when he saw her.

“Hey, boy. Haven’t seen you in a while? You didn't think we ran out of free food to give you, right?” Ellen grinned.

“Hey, you love me.” Dean said. Then he turned to the blonde, who was grinning. “Hello, Jo.”

“Hi” Jo said plainly, her smile nearly vanishing from her face when her eyes met Cas'. She wanted to be with Dean, and she did not want Cas to be with him.

“Who’s this?” Ellen asked.

Dean met Cas’ eye and winked, much to Jo's dismay. “This is Castiel. Cas, this is Ellen and Jo.” 

Cas slightly regretted not thinking out what to say before. He didn't want his first impression to be a bumbling, awkward idiot.

“He works at Heaven’s Brew.” Dean smiled.

“Oh my GOD!” Jo exclaimed, sliding in the booth right next to Cas so she could talk to him better. “I love that place. My favorite drink is the—”

“Chai Latte with cinnamon.” Cas answered. Now he knew where he had seen Jo before. 

“How did you know?” Jo asked, grinning.

She was beautiful. Someone Dean really deserved. 

“My brother Michael makes me memorize all the customers and their drinks so we have a sense of what they want right when they came in. That way we could just know. And we're not a very popular brand like Starbucks so we have a lot of loyal customers.” Cas explained. “He owns the coffee shop.”

“Oh wow.” Jo raised her eyebrows. “That’s actually really cool.” 

It wasn’t exactly so cool when Michael got mad and knocked down every single coffee cup the store had onto the floor and made Castiel clean them up. And it was only because he had thought this girl Ruby was supposed to have a caramel macchiato with two extra swirls of caramel with no whip when she actually did like whip. One mistake and he was cleaning up the broken shards of coffee mugs for three hours.

Cas just nodded.

“Hey Cas, it’s getting late.” Dean said, as if he could sense Cas getting more and more uncomfortable by the minute. 

“Oh yeah, we should probably head out.” Cas smiled in thanks.

“And I've got customers to take care of. Or something.” Ellen rolled her eyes and shrugged.

“And I've probably got to get Ash to stop flirting with customers and actually take their orders.” Jo sighed. “See you guys later.”

She walked away.

Ellen said her goodbyes and Dean got up. 

“We don’t have to pay?” Cas asked.

“I pay her in art.” Dean said. “All the paintings around here I gave to her.” 

“That’s so wonderful” Cas breathed. Looking around at the nature paintings all over the walls. He hadn't noticed them before. They nearly blended in with the warm wooden walls.

“Anyway, enough about me.” Dean said, lacing his hand in Cas’. Castiel's heart stopped a little bit and then he grinned. He was so, so happy. For the first time in so, so long. “Sam’s staying at Jessica’s… so we have my place to ourselves.” He shrugged.

“Sure” Cas smiled.

When they got home, they practically sprinted up to Dean’s apartment. The lights were off and Dean fumbled for the light switch. “Be right back” he said, leaving Cas in the darkness.

“If you scare me I swear to God I will kill you.” Cas giggled. "What if I have a heart attack and die? My life will be on your hands, Dean!" He giggled.

He responded to Dean’s lips before he knew what was going on. He tasted like burnt sugar and honey. Cas slid his arms around Dean’s neck and held him closer.

“Are you scared?” Dean said, laughing.

“No” Cas said honestly.

They kissed for a while and then somehow they made it to Dean’s bedroom and Dean slid Cas’ shirt over his head, licking down his body and starting to undo his pants. 

“Dean I don’t usually do this” Cas moaned.

“That’s okay” Dean kept going.

And then Castiel started crying, the tears streaming down his blushed face. “I can’t Dean. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” He sobbed. 

And the strange this was, Dean didn’t call him a tease, or a pussy, or anything. Dean just pulled Castiel into his arms and kissed him and said “hey, hey. It’s okay. We don’t have to.”

Cas remembered the sexual-based teasing he suffered as a middle schooler, just because he was a “faggot.” He remembered the way the kids who saw it didn’t say anything. And when he tried to bring it up, no one believed him. So he kept quiet and one time, the singular time he stood up for himself, he got expelled for kicking the guy in the stomach and clawing his face because there was “physical evidence" on the other person and not him. But he still had the emotional scars.

“Thank you” Castiel said. Thank you was all he could say.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

Exactly 2 months and 17 days later, Cas fidgeted in the dark. This was actually happening, he was actually doing it. He leaned back and rested his face on his arm, posing like a Playboy model. Dean wasn't home from art school yet and Cas was waiting on Dean’s bed. Naked. Dean was due any minute and Cas was so nervous.

He couldn't see anything through the thick darkness and when Cas heard Dean’s keys jangle as they hit the doorframe his heart nearly leapt out of his chest and he pulled the covers down. The cold air hit Cas’ body and made goosebumps rise up and down his legs and arms. He could hear Dean turn on the light and saw it filter through the bottom of the door, illuminating Dean's room with a sort of eerie blue light. Dean grabbed a beer from the fridge and popped it open.

“Cas? Are you here?” Dean called. Cas usually met him at the apartment and waited for Dean to come home and Dean knew it.

Cas didn't say anything, he just tried desperately tried to stifle his nervous laughter.

Dean opened the door to his bedroom, dropped his duffel bag, and then when he looked up he stopped in his tracks. His lips parted and his eyebrows shot up.

“Oh fuck” Dean breathed.

“Draw me like one of your french girls” Cas said, his voice low and soft and a little bit rough.

Dean leaned forward and nearly tore his shirt off his body, the buttons popping open. He slid it off his body and then sat on the bed in just a grey t-shirt. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that.” He grinned.

They kissed and kissed and kissed as their clothes fell to the floor.

~~~~~~~~

Both Dean and Cas were both naked and Cas was resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. They were both underneath the sheets, their legs tangled together and their bodies pressed against one another.

“Is Sam gonna come home soon?” Cas asked looking up at Dean's beautiful stubbly face.

“I don’t care. Probably.” Dean shrugged and pressed his lips against Cas’ forehead.

Cas smiled and snuggled closer to Dean. Even though Dean professed to not be “a cuddler” he definitely was. The room was warm and Dean and Cas were both somewhat sticky but they were happy. And happiness was something Cas only felt when he was with Dean, strangely enough. It was like Dean somehow took the broken and abused pieces of Castiel and pushed them together so he was finally okay again. His broken heart grew two sizes whenever he was with Dean Winchester.

“Hey. I kinda have something to show you.” Dean slid the covers off and got out of the bed.

Cas pouted a little but he didn't mind too much because he definitely enjoyed the picture perfect view of Dean's ass.

"I see you checking me out" Dean looked back and then turned around. "Hey, I'm not ashamed of anything." He winked as Cas grinned.

Dean dug in his bottom drawer for a few minutes and then pulled out his leather bound sketchbook. He tucked it under one arm and climbed back into bed. He flipped through pages and pages of angels and then finally he turned to a page with a portrait. The only color on the page was the man’s blue eyes, otherwise it was all black charcoal. He was wearing a knit hat and he had a big smile plastered on his face.

“That’s me” Cas breathed in awe. It was a bautiful picture.

“Really? I didn’t know. I thought it was Jerry Springer.” Dean rolled his eyes. "I drew it the other day after we went to the park."

They had gone to the park and it was cold outside so Cas had worn a dark blue knit beanie. Dean was waiting for him, sitting on the bench by the lake, and feeding the ducks. He saw Cas coming and had grinned so big. "Nice Beanie" he had said. "Hey!" Cas warned, kissing Dean lightly on the lips. "I love it." Dean laughed, tugging the sides of the beanie over Cas' ears. That was the moment when Cas wanted so badly to say "I love you" but he didn't. He wanted to wait for an opportune moment that didn't exactly involve the quacking of ducks in the background.

Cas looked back at the sketchbook.

“Shut up.” Cas bumped Dean’s shoulder with his own. “I love it, Dean. It’s beautiful.”

Dean kissed Cas lightly. “You’re beautiful.”

Cas lifted his thumb and brushed a stray eyelash off Dean’s cheek. His eyes were so green and he was so gorgeous and he was so perfect and Cas was so happy. Castiel just wanted to count all of Dean's freckles and then kiss each one. 

“I don’t deserve you” Cas whispered.

Dean kissed both of Cas’ eyelids. “ _I_ don’t deserve _you_.” He rolled his eyes. Dean was so funny, Cas thought. He felt like he was just floating.

Cas smiled and then somehow, the words I love you floated out from between Cas’ lips. He froze. He did love Dean, but Dean definitely didn't seem like the “proclamation of love” type. He would say that he loved people in actions, like drawing them or like, saving their lives and the like.

But the corners of Dean’s mouth quirked up and he laughed breathlessly. “Oh god, I love you too.”

Cas was so happy he felt like he could split open and sunshine would just pour out of every opening. He loved Dean. Cas loved Dean and Dean loved Cas back.

“Hey!” Sam’s voice ricocheted through the apartment.

“Hey!” Dean yelled. “Don’t come-“

Sam opened the door and then he started yelling and shielding his eyes with his fists. “WARN A GUY!” He screamed.

“I was trying to warn you, fucking idiot!” Dean was laughing so hard which made Cas laugh so hard.

Sam just kept screaming.

Cas got up, pulled his clothes on and handed Dean his pants.

“Do you have to go?” Dean asked, pretend whining.

“Yes! I have a shift at the coffee shop in about an hour.” Cas shrugged.

Dean pulled on his pants and buttoned up a sort-of wrinkled red plaid shirt.

“Can I at least drive you?” Dean asked.

“Yes, please.” Cas looked out the window. “It’s windy and cold.”

Dean smiled. “Glad I could be of service.”

Cas grabbed his backpack from the kitchen table and Sam didn't look up at them.

“Don't be a baby, Sammy.” Dean said.

Sam looked up but he didn't meet Dean's eyes. “Shut up.”

There was a knock at the door. It was probably a neighbor or something about all the yelling.

“I’ll get the door so I don’t have to look at you two.” Sam mumbled.

Sam opened the door only a crack.

“Is Dean there? The name's Alastair, and I’m looking for him.”

Cas felt Dean freeze up next to him. “Go, go in Sam’s room. I’ll take care of Alastair. I don’t want you to get hurt!”

Cas looked up at Dean with fear in his eyes. Was this Alastair guy someone to be so afraid of that he would hurt someone? And if he was looking for Dean then there was a chance Dean might get hurt, Cas was thinking.

When Cas didn’t move, Dean pushed him towards the room with a shove on his back. He stumbled and looked back at Dean who was standing with his stance brave and his shoulders broad. Cas was scared. He didn't’t know who Alastair was. All he knew was that Dean had a silver pistol in his hand hidden behind his back and that this was a dangerous situation.

Cas sat in the corner by Sam’s closet and held his breath, waiting for the inevitable gunshot.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

“Well hello, Dean.” Alastair’s voice was nasally and it sounded like if you listened to it for long enough, you would go crazy.

Cas heard Dean shift and the floor creaked. Cas' heart was beating so hard and he clenched his fists.

“What do you want?” Dean said gruffly.

“I’m here to collect my dues.” Alastair laughed somewhat sarcastically. 

“Go Sammy. Go to your room.” Cas heard Sam’s too loud whispered protests and then the door opened and Sam sat on his bed, looking at Cas with eyes filled with annoyance.

“Who is that?” Cas whispered.

Sam grabbed the butt of his gun, tucked it into the waistband of his pants, and looked away. “Alastair is an artist and an art collector.” 

“What does he want with Dean?” Cas asked. I mean, he knew that Dean was an artist and there was obviously some competition, but he wasn't aware that there was so much drama.

“Alastair is a pretty famous artist. He's a big deal in the art world. And his most famous art pieces are pictures of angels painted in pastel black and white. He’s known for being violent, but get this, when Dean released his first charcoal angel and got pretty popular, Alastair wanted him off the art scene at any cost. I guess he wanted to be the only painter of angels.” Sam said, shrugging. “That’s all I know.”

“Should we go out there and try to help him?” Cas stood up.

Sam laughed a little bit. “Dean’s probably got it. He’s tough.”

There was a loud crash and Dean softly said with feral undertones in his voice “get the fuck out of my house.”

“ I'll come back, don't you worry.” Alastair sneered. The door shut and there was another crash and a string of curses erupted from Dean.

Sam opened the door and Cas peered out. The knuckles on Dean’s right hand were bleeding and there was a hole in the wall by the kitchen.

“Again, Dean? You just fixed the last one.” Sam whined.

“Shut up, Sammy.” Dean said. "And I'm fixing them, not you. So why should it matter?" He shook his head angrily.

Cas hurried over and took Dean’s hand in both of his. “Are you okay?” 

Dean pulled his hand away and Cas was stung a little bit. His eyes filled up with tears and he took a deep breath trying to calm down. He took a step back. He was just emotional with fear and he was a little bit sad from Dean's dismissal. 

“I hope you feel better.” Cas said, grabbing his long brown trenchcoat fro the hook by the door. “I’m going to work.” 

“Hey, wait.” Dean said and Cas turned around slowly. Something in him hoped for an apology or maybe a kiss. 

“You forgot your bag” Dean was holding up Cas’ backpack.

“Oh.” Cas took it from him. “Thanks.” He slung it around his shoulder, left, and went down to his apartment to get his uniform and go. He was already a little late anyways.

Cas’ phone rang shrilly and he picked it up. The little screen had read Gabriel. “Baby bro, you’re late.” He said, a note of urgency in his voice.

“I know, Gabe. I’ll be right there. When do you care about being late? You're late 95% of the time anyways.” Cas said, frustrated.

There was silence. “Michael’s gonna be here in ten minutes for a surprise visit. He’s checking our production and our order memorization.” He was quiet and serious and that was something Gabriel never was. This was important.

Cas’ blood ran cold. If Michael knew that Cas was late… he didn't even want to think about what would happen. “Okay” Cas hung up, sprinted down the stairs and slid on his dumb yellow apron and dumb winged hat in a few seconds. Cas ran back upstairs to Dean and Sam's apartment, nearly tripping, and banged on Dean’s door as hard as he could.

Dean opened the door and Cas willingly gave up every single ounce of pride he had ever had. “I need a ride, please.” He panted. Even though he was kind of mad at Dean, he needed a ride. Even if he tried to run he wouldn't make it to Heaven's Brew in time. 

Dean didn’t question. “Let’s go.”

“But Dean, your hand” Sam protested.

“I’m fine.” Dean snapped, slamming the door behind him. 

Dean didn’t say anything as they hurried down into the parking lot. Dean had a dirty cloth wrapped around his hand and he drove quickly, not even taking the time to turn on the rock music. They were at Heaven’s Brew within two minutes.

“Thank you. You don’t know how you basically saved me right now.” Cas breathed.

He leaned over and kissed Dean. “I love you.” Cas said.

Dean smiled a little bit and nodded. “Go. You’re already late, right?” He kissed Cas on the cheek and Cas jogged out of the car and into the restaurant. 

“You just made it, asshole.” Gabriel punched Cas on the shoulder, too hard. It stung for a few seconds and then Gabriel said “put your wings on.” 

Castiel frowned and slid on the white fluffy costume wings that the staff was supposed to wear every day but they seldom did. Every time they did, they always ran into each other and the machines while trying to make drinks.

“Thanks Gabe. For the warning, I mean.” Cas whispered honestly.

“If you weren't here, I would feel Michael’s wrath too. Both of our asses would be dead, not just yours.” Gabe said. He was making it sound like he was protecting himself, but he really loved Cas and knew exactly what Michael would do to him.

“Can I take your order?” Cas said to the customer who was waiting patiently.

Her name was Olive and she came in every other tuesday. She usually wanted a vanilla and chocolate macchiato. 

“I’m gonna change it up, Castiel.” She winked. She was always winking at him, which was pretty annoying.

“What are you changing it up to?” Cas asked, watching the door as Michael walked in and watched them. Olive leaned forward onto the counter, seductively looking at Cas under her eyelids.

“I’m gonna have the usual without the chocolate.” She said.

Cas paused a second too long. “So just the vanilla macchiato?” He asked, glancing at Michael nervously.

“Yeah, my dear.” Olive said. “And nice wings, hot stuff. You're a real crowd pleaser.”

“You can go wait by the counter over there for your drink. Thanks for coming in, Olive. See you the tuesday after next.” Cas said, really showing off to Michael.

Olive was the only customer in the whole place and Michael walked to the counter, his shoulders stiff. 

“Very nice. Slight pause before the order. Better study up the customer list.” Michael said sharply.

“Yes, sir.” Castiel said softly.

Gabriel finished blending Olive’s drink and handed it to her. “Have a heavenly day!” He recited with just a note of sarcasm in his voice. But it was pretty hard to say "have a heavenly day" without being sarcastic.

“Thanks Gabe.” Olive said, leaving with her drink in hand and a coupon in the other.

When the door had closed behind Olive, there was a long pause before Michael brushed a hand through his dark black hair. “Where’s Anna?” He asked.

“Anna doesn’t work on Wednesdays.” Cas said.

Michael grimaced. “Why?”

“Because she has college. She’s studying to be a communications major.” Cas said. He desperately wanted to point out the fact that Anna had told Michael that more than once, but he kept his mouth zipped tight.

Dean came in the shop, smiling big. His hand was bandaged in a tight wrap tied closed with a safety pin. 

“Hi Dean!” Cas exclaimed, happy to break the silence. 

“Hey Cas.” Dean said, eyeing the menu plastered on the wall. “You don’t sell pie?” He laughed.

Cas laughed too. “Sorry, no. But we have vanilla scones? It's not pie, but they're good.” Cas could feel Michael’s eyes burning the back of his head.

“No, thanks.” Dean said. “What’s your favorite drink?”

Cas was supposed to say “pumpkin and caramel spice latte” because it was their seasonal and also the most expensive drink on the menu. Michael had told Gabriel and Cas and Anna at the beginning of the season that if they said anything else they would be "in big trouble." But Cas said honestly “my favorite is the gingerbread macchiato.” 

He could feel the tension in the air as Michael furiously choked out “Castiel can you come to the back office with me please?” 

Cas nearly fell to his knees. No, no, NO. Why did he have to be honest? He should have just said pumpkin and caramel spice latte even if he didn't like it.

Dean stepped forward. “I don’t think he’d like to come to the back office.” He said gruffly.

First Alastair, now Michael. Cas was so scared for Dean. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Michael came out from behind the counter and stood in front of Dean angrily.

“I’m Castiel’s boyfriend.” Dean snapped, folding his arms.

Oh god. Oh no. Cas backed up into Gabriel, who slid his arm around Cas. Oh no no no. This was not happening. Cas was on the verge of crying and he gripped Gabriel’s arm as hard as he could.

“His what?” Michael yelled. He turned around and looked at Cas. "Your what?" He was screaming, his face red.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

“I’m his friend.” Dean backtracked reluctantly. “Who’s a boy. Sorry if that was confusing to you, homophobic asshole.” He clenched his fist.

Cas breathed a sigh of relief. He would live another day. But maybe Dean wouldn’t, because Michael looked so angry.

Michael stepped forward. “Get out of here.” He snarled.

“I don’t see the 'we have the right to refuse customer service to anyone' sign.” Dean shrugged. “So I don’t have to.”

“The sign is on my fist and you’ll leave when it goes up your ass.” Michael screamed.

Dean smiled cooly. “For being so homophobic, you sure know a lot about-“ 

Cas tensed. “Dean, please go.” He was just worried about Dean's well being. He was already worried about Dean's situation with Alastair, and now here Dean was testing Michael. And Michael wasn't someone who needed to be tested to get angry. He was angry all the time anyways and he didn't need to be pushed off the edge. Last time Cas had tested him it was because they were out of coffee beans. "Last time you told me not to order them, so that's why I didn't" Cas had rolled his eyes. Michael had exploded, throwing one of the napkin holders to the ground where it smashed into pieces on the tile. "What the fuck did you say to me?" Michael screamed, whaling back and punching Cas in the face. By the time Michael was done, Cas was cowering in the corner with blood all over his face and uniform and two completely black eyes.

Dean frowned, looking rather upset to be dismissed. “Fine, Cas.” He said. 

But I guess Dean being a little bit hurt was better than Dean getting the crap beat out of him.

“I’m sorry” Cas said.

Dean nodded like “it’s okay.” Relief ran through Cas' body. Dean wasn't mad and he was gonna go so he wouldn't get hurt. Dean waved and went out the door, getting into the Impala and driving away.

Michael turned on Castiel. “Why are you friends with him? That vile disgusting monkey of a human. And he's barely a human at that.” His voice was volatile and quiet.

“He’s a good man.” Cas said, his voice strong.

Gabriel stood in the corner, silent. 

Michael raised his hand and Castiel grabbed it, fighting it away. He didn't want to bleed again. He didn't want to have to make excuses again. He didn't want to have to say "oh I fell while riding my bike" again. He didn't want to feel threatened again. “No, Michael! You cannot treat people like this. You cannot treat your brothers and sisters like this. You are wrong. Father would not want you to treat us like this. Please, Michael. Try to understand. Try to have some empathy.” 

Michael stepped back. “Father’s dead.”

Cas jerked back like Michael had slapped him. Father had been nice to them, gave them whatever they wanted. Father didn't deserve to be disrespected by his own son. “I quit.” Cas whispered.

“Me too.” Gabriel added, walking to stand by Castiel's side. “Good luck running a coffee shop without any fucking employees, you great big bag of dicks.” 

Michael was dumbfounded and speechless. So taking advantage of Michael's shock, Cas looped his arm in Gabriels and they headed towards the door. Two brothers against one.

“If you leave don’t even think about coming back.” Michael said.

“Oh, I won’t come back. I’ll be off fucking my boyfriend.” Cas said, grinning.

Michael punched a hole near straight through the counter and the tile shattered and fell to the floor where it broke into a million pieces, but Cas didn’t care. Gabriel didn’t care. Michael was going to have to be the one who cleaned it up anyways. They were free. And unemployed.

“We can find new jobs” Gabriel assured Castiel that they were going to be okay as they walked.

“I know. We can get in purely on your charm, Gabriel. And we can use my brains. We could be unstoppable.” Cas said, grabbing and turning Gabriel’s shoulders to the left so he wouldn’t walk into the road. 

They were going to Anna’s house to tell her what had happened at work. Gabriel had never walked there before and he didn’t know where to go. But Cas suspected that Gabe at least had an idea and he was just yanking Cas’ chain by nearly walking into the street at every crossroad.

“I’m smarter than you!” Gabriel laughed.

Anna’s house was a little condo in a cul de sac. It was painted a light yellow with red trim and it had a big “DOG WARNING” sign in the doorway even though Anna didn’t own a dog. Cas thought that Anna probably just thought it was funny, even though he didn't really get it.

Cas tilted his head, confused. The Impala was sitting in front of Anna’s house. Dean and Cas had only gone to Anna’s once for dinner. Anna had made coffee and salads and burgers and they ate and laughed. So Dean wasn't exactly one of Anna's "friends." There was really no reason for Dean to be there.

“Is that Winchester’s car?” Gabriel asked.

“I think so. Actually, I know so.” Cas said. “I don’t know why.” He shrugged.

Gabriel rang the doorbell and had to wait because Anna had revoked his key privileges after he had invited a bunch of people over while Anna was out of town to party. They had killed Anna’s entire fish tank when one of Gabe’s friends threw up in it. They had streaked fingerprints on the walls and spilled beer on the couch. Her entire house was basically trashed. Gabriel had passed out in the first hour of the party, so random people basically had free reign of the house. 

The door opened wide and a man was standing there. It was Dean, a towel hung low on his hips. Otherwise, he was completely naked.

“Cas!” Dean said, obviously surprised. 

Anna stumbled over. Her hair was mussed and she was clutching a sheet around herself.

“Oh, god. Cas. It’s um. Not what you think.” She backed away from Dean.

Anna. Anna and Dean. But Dean loved Castiel. But apparently he really didn't. Cas felt like running away but he just couldn’t move, he was so shocked. His eyes filled up with tears and he clutched the sides of his stupid, stupid wings that he had forgotten to take off after he left the coffee shop. 

“Are we getting some threesome action?” Gabriel asked, trying to break the tension with a fake joke and a fake laugh.

“Dean” Castiel’s voice broke as he spoke the name of the man he loved more than anything else. The man who he had put every ounce of his trust in. The man who had stood up for him when no one else had. The man who believed in everything he did.

The man who betrayed him. 

“I came over to ask Anna a question about your brother and I don’t know what happened” Dean started.

Anna interrupted Dean’s speech. “Cas! It was my fault! I was half asleep and we both didn’t know what we were doing”

“You knew what you were doing. You knew what you were fucking doing.” Cas said. And then he turned and ran away as fast as he could.

All he could see in his mind was Dean kissing Anna. And all he wanted was to go back and slap Dean and then tell him all about how he finally stood up to Michael. Dean would be so proud and he would say “Damn, you’re brave.” And he knew that it had taken a lot of courage from Cas, even if it wasn’t as brave as Dean. And Cas would say “Oh, no. I’m not so brave.” And kiss Dean on the mouth. Softly. And Dean would taste distinctly of honey.

But Dean had been kissing Anna. 

Not Castiel.

Cas ripped off his fake costume wings and ripped off his stupid winged hat and threw off his apron into a random backyard as he sprinted past. And when he finally got in front of his apartment, he kept going. He didn’t want Dean to be in Anna’s house, desperately looking for his shirt, knowing that Cas would be in his apartment waiting for him. So Castiel kept running, the wind tearing at his skin like a pack of wild dogs, burning and ripping at his face. The tears that streamed down his face were hot and salty and he tasted them as they landed on his lips before falling down onto his shirt.

Cas sat in the park, sometimes crying, but mostly sitting on a cold bench watching the people go by until finally the sun dipped below the mountains.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

Cas was completely frozen to the bone. It was a cold, windy night and he shivered as he walked back to the apartment. If he could have stood to sleep in the park, he probably would have. He didn’t want to confront Dean, not even a little bit. He wanted to live in his own little world, desperately imagining that Dean was still hopelessly in love with him in the same way he was hopelessly in love with Dean.

Cas headed up the stairs as silently as he could, trying not to make any noise. Maybe if Dean didn’t hear him, Dean wouldn’t come down. But when Cas reached the top of the stairs he saw Dean sitting right next to his door, fast asleep. His eyelashes cast strange shadows on his face and his mouth was a little bit open and he was snoring softly.

All Castiel wanted to do was bend down and smooth Dean’s hair back from his forehead and then plant a kiss there and then kiss his way down to his mouth to wake him up. But Cas just slid his keys out of his pocket as quietly as he could, opened the door, and slipped inside. 

Dean didn’t move at all. He just kept sleeping.

After the door shut Cas leaned against it, clutching his fist to his mouth to keep from crying out. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad to know that Dean wanted Anna more than he wanted him. Dean valued their relationship so little that he wouldn’t respect Cas enough to at least break up with him until he moved on to his sister. If Dean had broken up with him, it would have hurt. Cas would have been sad, but he would have eventually accepted it. But how could he accept this? 

And Anna. He didn’t understand why Anna would go after the man he clearly loved with everything in him. 

He just didn’t understand anything anymore.

Cas went over the microwave and slid one of the lasagnas in, even though he wasn't hungry at all. Actually he felt a little sick to his stomach.

When the beeping noise penetrated the silence, Cas just punched the clear button as hard as he could. The microwave beeped again, almost as if it was protesting, before it finally shut up. He was so angry and so sad and so broken and how could Dean do this to him?

He realized that tears were falling down his cheeks so fast and he couldn't even fucking see anything anymore. His vision was so blurry, a mix of all kinds of colors and patterns. He just sat down on the floor, exactly in the spot where the other man, the one he loved, was sitting just on the other side of the wall. Cas just put his head in his hands and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, continuously wiping tears away with the back of his hand.

After a while, when Cas felt like he could cry no more, he stood up and ate the lukewarm lasagna with a spoon. He was so hollow he could barely feel anything. He was just... sad.

There was a big banging noise and Cas’ spoon clattered to the ground as he jumped.

“Cas.” He could hear Dean’s voice whisper through the door. “Please let me in. Please.”

Dean sounded scared. And not “I’m sorry I cheated on you please take me back” scared. Just gruff and calculated and a little bit fearful. 

Cas unlocked the door and Dean came in, shutting the door and locking it behind him. “Turn off all the lights.” He said urgently, switching off the kitchen light and heading towards Cas’ bedroom to apparently turn off the light in there.

“Excuse me?” 

Dean turned towards Cas, who had his hand resting on the lightswitch, ready to turn it on if Dean would not explain. He put one of his hands on his hips and looked at Dean with angry, clear eyes. He felt so betrayed and furious now that he was faced with Dean. Especially because Dean would not explain why they had to turn all the lights off.

“Please.” Dean pleaded, whispering. And Dean Winchester didn’t plead. “I need you to trust me.”

Castiel tried desperately. He tried not to trust him. Dean had done everything in the world that would warrant exactly zero trust. But Cas took his hand off the lightswitch and followed Dean into his bedroom. Dean pulled Cas into the closet, reached out, and turned off the bedroom light.

“Now what’s this about?” Cas couldn’t see anything, but he could feel Dean’s body pressed up against his, which nearly punched the breath right out of his body.

The body that was pressed up against Anna’s, Cas tried to think.

There was a loud, harsh banging at the door, loud and scary. Cas jumped about a foot in the air and grabbed onto Dean’s shoulders, pulling him closer.

“I know you’re in there.” Alastair’s voice floated in from the front door.

Dean didn’t respond. He just hugged Cas closer. Cas knew that Dean wasn’t protecting himself. Dean would be the kind to go and beat the living shit out of Alastair, leaving him within an inch of his life for threatening him and threatening his family. 

Dean was protecting Cas.

“I’m going to come for you, Dean Winchester. I’m going to come for you, and I’m going to kill you.” Alastair said. "And you're going to regret drawing those angels."

Cas gripped Dean as hard as he could. He was scared, he was so scared. Dean pressed his lips to Cas’ ear. His breath was warm and it smelled distinctly of mint. Cas turned to about where he thought Dean’s face would be and Dean whispered “don’t worry. I’m going to be fine. We're going to be fine.”

Cas lurched forward a few centimeters and put his hands on the sides of Dean’s face, kissing him on the lips. It was dark and Cas couldn't see much, but he felt Dean’s lips hesitantly responding to his and Dean’s small smile and he smelled Dean’s spicy cologne and tangled his hands in his hair. And when they heard Alastair’s footsteps retreat, Dean wrapped his hands around Cas and kissed him so hard. And Dean was so lovely and he tasted lovely and they fell out of the closet, still in the darkness, and Dean pulled Castiel’s shirt over his head and the floor was so cold against Cas’ back but he was with Dean and everything was right.

But then again, nothing was right.

Cas stopped and leaned back. “I just need to know why, Dean.”

“There is no reason. I was stupid. I was disgusting. I don’t fucking deserve you, Castiel. You are beautiful and sweet and I hurt you.”

Cas sat against the bed. “You didn’t-“

“Don’t you lie to me and say I didn’t hurt you. I know that I did. I saw your face when you saw me and her.”

Her name is Anna, Cas wanted to say. But he just kept quiet, waiting for Dean to continue.

“There’s not really anything I can say. I can ask for your forgiveness, I guess. I could say I’m sorry.” Dean shrugged. “But that seems too small. I let you down and I feel like shit, and that probably makes you real fucking happy because who the fuck wants to be with an asshole that goes and has sex with some girl randomly anyways? Who the fuck wants to be with me? Because that asshole is me, Cas. And I don’t deserve you. Not even a little fucking bit.” 

Cas was taken aback. Once, at the start of their relationship, Dean had been talking to Sam. Sam was talking about Jess and pretty much talking about how much he loved her and then he asked Dean how he should propose. Dean had just stopped, held a hand out, and said “no chick flick moments, brother. Google it or something.” 

But Dean had just gone very chick flick moment with Cas, and he knew that it was pretty hard for Dean to admit that he was sorry.

“It’s okay.” Cas said.

“But it’s not!” Dean yelled. 

Cas put his hands on Dean’s shoulders and kissed him on the lips. “Listen to me, okay?”

Dean took a deep breath. “What?” 

“I love you. Are you sorry that you did it?” Cas said.

Dean nodded, licking his lips and looking into Cas’ clear blue eyes.

“Will you do it again?” Cas whispered, his face inches away from Dean’s.

Dean shook his head. 

“I’m gonna need a verbal agreement.” Cas said.

“Okay. I will never do it again. And I will never take you for granted again. I promise.” Dean said.

Cas kissed him, long and hard. 

“Now what are we gonna do about Alastair?” Cas asked.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

"What is there to do about Alastair?" Dean smiled. "He's just a bunch of empty promises."

"How do you know that?" Cas frowned.

Dean leaned forward and sat next to Cas so that their sides were touching. Cas put his hand in Dean's and brought Dean's hand up to his lips, kissing it lightly. 

"I just do." Dean said, squeezing Cas' hand.

Cas didn't feel too comforted, but Dean seemed pretty sure of himself, so Cas guessed that it would be okay.

"Hey, I really want to do something for you." Dean changed the subject.

"What would you do for me?" Cas grinned and got off the bed to go make some coffee. Dean followed him and sat down again on top of the counter, folding his hands between his knees.

Dean looked at Cas and grinned again. He was so beautiful when he smiled, Cas thought. The coffee machine bubbled out some hot tar coffee and Cas poured it out into a styrofoam cup. "Want any?" Cas asked.

"Uh, sure." Dean shrugged, taking a cup from Cas. 

"Cream? Or sugar? I might have some caramel syrup that I stole from Heaven's Brew?" Cas asked.

"No, I'm good." Dean practically gulped down the entire cup in one mouthful. "What was that whole deal with your douchebag brother?" 

Cas took a deep breath. "He's always been like that. Abusive and angry and bossy. Finally, today I stood up to him and quit. Because of you." Anna's face flashed in Cas' mind and he grimaced.

"Damn, you're brave." Dean said, just like Cas thought he would. He puffed out his chest, proud of himself. Dean got up and poured some more coffee in his cup, leaning coolly against the counter. "Did he ever hurt you?" His voice was laced with venom.

Cas looked down at the ground, remembering all the times that he tasted his own blood in his mouth, and the times that he would stay home from school because he couldn't get out of bed. "No, he didn't." 

Dean inched closer to Cas and kissed him. "You're such a terrible liar. I swear will beat the shit out of him. Why would he hurt you? Of all the people in the world, why you?" Dean whispered. 

"It's okay. You helped me stand up to him." Cas shrugged and draped his arms around Dean's shoulders, bringing their bodies together.

"I didn't do anything for you. You did it all by yourself.." Dean shook his head. "And that's why I want to do something for you."

Cas smirked. "You said that already. What are you gonna do for me?"

Dean put his hands on Cas' hips. "There's this theme park in town that I used to love. I know you've only been in this town for like, two months, but I thought I might take you there."

Cas' mouth dropped open. "You would really take me there? I wouldn't pin you as the typical date type. This is like a romance movie date, Dean Winchester." 

"Who said I didn't like romance movies?" Dean raised one eyebrow and slid his rough, calloused, artist's hands underneath Cas' shirt. His thumbs looped into Cas' waistband. 

"When would we go?" Cas asked.

Dean started to pull Cas' shirt over his head and Cas just pulled it off the rest of the way and threw it to the floor. Dean pressed his lips to Cas' neck and murmured "We can go whenever you want. Tomorrow. Next week."

"Surprise me" Cas slid Dean's shirt over his head, slowly, and Dean ducked his head out and dropped it on the table. Dean pushed Cas hard against the counter and he hopped up on, kissing Dean hard and knotting his fists in his hair. 

"I will" Dean growled against Cas' mouth as Cas unbuttoned his pants.

They didn't even make it to the bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gabriel called every single day to ask two things. 1. If Cas had found them a job, and 2. If Cas would talk to Anna. And every day, Cas would mutter his response. "No, not yet. Soon." 

And then, on a cold tuesday afternoon, Cas got them both job interviews at a hotel downtown called Full Moon. And he finally decided to tell Gabriel that he would talk to Anna. He had talked to Dean and forgiven him, but it was somehow harder to forgive his own sister.

"She'll meet you at Starbucks at 8 o'clock. Damn, I'm like a messenger." Gabriel said. "I suggested Starbucks because I thought it would annoy Michael the most if he ever got wind of it." 

"All right." Cas said. "I'll be there." 

"Sounds good. Now don't talk through me again, or I'll kill you." Gabriel laughed. 

Cas hung up. He was in Dean's apartment and Dean was painting in the corner. His art class had done a self portrait assignment and Dean had a line of used canvases lined up against the wall. They all had a red slash through the middle of it. According to Dean, he just couldn't it get it right. They all looked pretty good to Cas, but Dean just wasn't impressed.

Dean wiped one of his paintbrushes on his shirt and turned to Cas. "Hey are you gonna go meet her?" He asked. "I think you should. I mean, you did accept a sorry from me. And we were both wrong, you know? It was a two part affair." He turned back to his painting and drew a red slash through it, groaning.

"Why do you keep doing that? They're all beautiful." Cas said. "And yes, I'm going to go meet her."

"None of them look like me. They're all wrong. I mean, look at that one." Dean shook his head, pointing. He put the paintbrush down onto the table. "And that's good you're going down to talk to her." 

"It's gorgeous just like you." Cas said, grabbing his wallet and putting it into his pocket. "Yeah, I'm supposed to meet her at eight." 

"It's seven forty-five, you better get going." Dean said.

Cas nodded. "Yeah, I'm going to go now. You want me to bring you back anything?"

Dean kissed him goodbye. "No, I'm okay. Have fun."

"I'll try." Cas said as he left.

Walking to the Starbucks down the street, Cas thought about what he would say to Anna. He guessed that it wasn't exactly fair that he had forgiven Dean but he hadn't forgiven Dean. But at the same time, he had only known Dean for two and a half months. And he had known Anna for his whole life. But he did love them both, and he missed Anna in his life. The warmth of Starbucks hit Cas right when he entered. He saw Anna in the corner of the room, sitting by herself. 

She was as beautiful as Cas remembered. Her red hair was pinned on top of her head with tendrils falling into her face. She brushed them away absentmindedly as she read her book. Anna was wearing a white shirt with the words GRACE imprinted on them in light blue cursive writing. She was wearing a scarf and a dark blue sweater and jeans. Cas went over and stood by the table until she bookmarked her page and looked up at him.

Her eyes were sad. "Oh, Cas I thought you would never come." She looked like she was gonna cry.

"I'm gonna get something to drink and I'll be right back." Cas said.

Anna deflated. "Okay."

Cas stood in line and ordered a passion tea. When they called out his name he got his drink and wordlessly sat down next to Anna. He wasn't even really angry anymore, just a little bit numb. 

"Cas, I'm really sorry." Anna said. 

Cas just looked at her, waiting for her to continue before he said anything.

"It... it just happened. And I know, I know how much you love him. You love him with everything and I just... for some reason I... there are no excuses. I'm just asking for forgiveness. Please, Cas. Please. We are family." Anna pleaded.

Cas looked up at her. In her face, he could still see the Anna he played with as a child. She was a little younger than him, but only a little. Lucifer and Michael would always hang out. Gabriel had a bunch of friends at school. But Anna and Castiel had only ever had each other. Anna would be the customer and Castiel would be the waiter and then they would switch. Castiel was one year above Anna so when Cas was a freshmen and Anna was an eighth grader, that's when Cas started to get bullied. He didn't have Anna to look out for him anymore. He was all alone. The next year after Cas got expelled, Anna and Gabriel were the only ones in the family who believed him. Michael was mad and Lucifer was mad because "it was Cas' fault." It was actually the topic of discussion they were having when Lucifer got so mad he left home and never came back. But Anna especially would always stand up for Cas. She was the one that completely supported Cas at his new school and she's the one who would walk two miles out of her way to walk him home everyday to make sure he was okay and not being bullied or abused anymore. And she had made a mistake, sure. But she had been there for him so many times.

Cas sipped his drink and smiled.

"We are family." He said. "It was a mistake." 

Anna brought her hand to her lips. "Thank you" she breathed.

Cas smiled. "Don't do it again."

Anna's eyes widened. "I would never."

"I know." Cas said. "Anyway. Did you quit Heaven's Brew?"

Anna took a deep breath. "Yeah, I did. Michael got so mad. He was already so mad. He asked me why his entire family was abandoning him. I just said that the reason was because he had never treated us the way we deserved to be treated. He just got really quiet and told me to leave. He looked really, really sad. Cas, did I make the right choice?"

Cas looked at her and grabbed her hands. Her nails were painted bright blue. "You were right, Anna. He never treated us right. And that was wrong. You made the right choice. I know it."

"Thank you" Anna grinned. 

They sat for a long time, talking about life and drinking tea and laughing. Finally, Cas asked "do you want me to walk you home?"

"How about we just walk halfway? Cause it would be out of your way to walk me all the way home." Anna said.

"Okay" Cas agreed.

They walked home with Cas' arm slung around Anna's shoulders. It felt so... good. So natural to be with Anna again. "I missed you" Cas said right before they parted ways.

Anna kissed him on the cheek. "I missed you too, Cas." And then she pulled him into a fierce hug.

Cas walked up to his apartment. It was getting late, almost ten o'clock, and it was dark and cold. He went up to Dean's and used his key to unlock the door. "Hey, Dean. Sam. I'm coming in, okay?"

"Everyone's decent." Sam laughed.

Cas came in and Dean was in the corner, still painting. Sam was eating a sandwich, sitting at the kitchen table.

"Still can't get it right?" Cas asked Dean.

Dean groaned. "No." He sounded frustrated.

"Are you staying over tonight?" Sam asked.

Cas looked at Dean to answer. Dean looked back at Cas and winked. Cas guess that it was a yes.

"Oh god, guys. Come on. Not in front of me." Sam slammed his head down on the counter.

"Fine" Dean laughed, "come on Cas. Time for bed." 

Cas shrugged in Sam's general direction and followed Dean into his room. 

Dean brushed his thumb against Cas' jawline. "Guess what we're gonna do tomorrow?" Dean whispered in Cas' ear.

"Where?" Cas asked, grinning.

"We're going to the theme park. The one I was talking about last week. We're going tomorrow." 

Cas grinned and pushed Dean down on the bed. "Sounds fun."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

The next day, Cas woke up to Dean's side of the bed empty. He looked around. Dean was nowhere and the door was closed. He was probably painting or something, Cas thought. He threw back the sheets and put his feet on the ground, hissing in air through his teeth. It was really, really cold. He opened the door and leaned back on the doorframe, watching Dean paint.

Dean was kneeling on his knees, working on the plaid shirt that he had painted himself wearing. This was definitely the best painting of himself he had done thus far. 

"Wow, Dean." Cas said, his voice breaking the calm silence. "That's the best one yet."

Dean put his paintbrush down. "Did I wake you up?" He asked. 

Cas shook his head no. "Keep painting, if you want. I'll just stand here and admire you. Or make you breakfast. Either way." 

Dean grinned. He did look adorable in his plain grey t-shirt and dark blue sweatpants. But then again, he looked adorable in everything. 

"I think Sam went to the store and bought bacon" Dean suggested. 

"Are you sure Sam won't mind if we make the bacon he bought?" Cas asked. 

Dean made a face. "Who cares. Just make him some and he'll be fine." He shrugged. 

Sam's bedroom door opened. "I can hear you giving away my bacon, Dean." Sam glared at him. 

"Don't whine like a baby. Go buy some more." Dean said, picking his paintbrush back up and turning around.

Sam rolled his eyes. "You just had to ask! If you were making it, I would say no way. But because Cas is making it, I'll let it slide." 

Cas reached under the sink to get the pan and started cooking. 

"I'll make pancakes" Sam said, coming over. Cas looked up at him and smiled. Sam smiled back. And Cas was happy. He had lost one family and found another. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Oh my god, both of you." Dean moaned. "Bless the maker of pancakes." He shoveled another mouthful into what Sam had previously called 'the neverending food trap.' 

"Are we going today?" Cas asked. 

Sam looked at Dean. "Where are you guys going?" He grinned.

"We're going to that theme park downtown. I can't remember the name." Dean said. 

"Hellhounds?" Sam asked, laughing. He looked at both of them. "That has the biggest rollercoaster in the whole state!" 

Cas blanched. "It's called Hellhounds? Dean, that sounds scary."

"It's supposed to sound scary. So that you go prepared for a thrill ride." Sam said. "That's actually the slogan. I don't really remember it." 

Dean put another pancake on his plate. "Sammy, maybe you don't remember it, but I remember you bawling like a baby on the biggest rollercoaster they have." 

Sam threw his hands up. "I did not cry!" 

"How would you know? You apparently don't remember it." Dean said, the corners of his mouth quirking upwards.

Sam just put his head into his hands, his shoulders shaking with laughter. "Shut up" he mumbled.

"Are you coming?" Cas asked.

Sam's head tilted upward. "I don't think Dean would like me to be the third wheel on your date." His eyebrows raised.

Cas smiled. "Well, you could bring Jessica." 

Sam shook his head. "Jess and I are going out to dinner tonight, but thanks for the invite." 

"I'm real sorry you couldn't come, Sam. The clown themed ride will sure miss you." Dean said sarcastically. But he was just kidding, you could see it in his eyes. 

Sam deadpanned. "Clowns?" He asked, his face turning white. 

Dean nodded. "They would get you if you went. They'd chase you." 

"Shut up." Sam growled.

Dean pushed his chair back and took his plate to the sink. "Cas, you wanna go get ready and we'll leave in roughly an hour?" Dean asked. 

"Sounds good. See you later, guys." Cas got up and walked down to his apartment. 

Cas had never been to a theme park or even a carnival, so he wasn't sure what to wear. He was alternating between this red sweater that Anna had gotten him two christmases ago and a blue long sleeved shirt. Cas took a quick shower and pulled a pair of jeans on. He sat for a few minutes and then just chose the blue shirt. A sweater just seemed to fancy.

When he got in Dean's apartment Sam was gone and Dean was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a beer.

"Took you a while" Dean said.

"Sorry. I didn't know what to wear. Do I look okay?" Cas gestured at himself.

Dean got up and put his hand on Cas' face. "You look perfect." Cas kissed him and he could feel Dean's smile. "Now let's go. I want to beat the lines."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When they got to the theme park, Dean insisted on paying for their tickets and when they got to the entrance, Cas stopped in his tracks. 

"Dean, this looks scary." Cas said. 

Dean turned around and held both of Cas' hands in both of his. "Hey, I've got you." Dean said. Cas felt his heart fluttering in his chest. He didn't like "thrill rides" as they called them. But Dean did, so he guessed that he would try to soldier on.

"Okay" Cas said.

Hellhounds was a lot of rides and a lot of people. There were screaming kids and teenagers who were just there to hang out. There were all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds. And they were there for one common reason: to scare the crap out of themselves. 

Dean pulled Cas over to the first line they saw. There were twenty or so people waiting. It was a ferris wheel, and it was huge. 

"We're gonna start easy." Dean said. "First the ferris wheel, then we'll go onto the bumper cars, and then we'll move up to the big ones. The roller coasters." Dean's eyes lit up. 

"Sounds good" Cas said.

When it was their turn they hopped on a cart that was pastel pink. Cas gripped onto the armrest so hard that his knuckles turned white and his hands were shaking. They slowly made their way to the top. The twinkling, happy-sounding music poured out from the speakers. When they got to the top, their cart lurched to a stop.

"Oh god" Cas breathed, squeezing Dean's hand so hard. 

"What?" Dean smiled. "They're just letting people on."

Cas snuggled closer to Dean, burying his head in Dean's neck. "Well, I'm kind of scared of heights." Cas whispered. "I'm afraid to fall." 

Dean fiercely kissed Cas on the forehead. "Why did you let me bring you here? If you're afraid of heights!" Dean said, his voice gruff.

"You wanted to come" Cas said. 

Dean put his arm around Cas as the cart continued around. "I promise you. I will not let you fall." 

Cas didn't say anything until they got to the bottom. When they got there, Cas grabbed Dean's wrist and dragged him into the crowd.

"What are you doing?" Dean laughed. "Where are you taking me?" 

"You'll see!" Cas called. 

Cas looked up at the biggest shakiest looking metal structure he had ever seen. It was called Death Match and that alone sent shivers up Cas' spine. He pulled Dean into the line and Dean looked up. 

"This is the biggest roller coaster in the state, Cas. Are you sure?" Dean eyed Cas warily.

Cas licked his lips and wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. "You said you wouldn't let me fall, and here we are. I'm trusting you." 

Dean raised his eyebrows, seemingly impressed. He slid his arms around Cas and pulled him closer. 

"Get a room, faggots!" Some teenager called from the back of the line.

Dean let Cas go and turned towards the kid. The kid had his hand on his hip. He was wearing a Ramones shirt and dark blue cutoff jeans. "Shut the fuck up!" Dean shouted. 

The kid held his hands up and backed away, nearly disappearing into the crowd. Cas put his hands on Dean's shoulders and turned him around. 

"Hey, hey. Calm down." Cas grinned.

"I just..." Dean groaned. "I hate people." 

They were first in line for the next ride and when the roller coaster screamed onto the platform, Cas went automatically to the very first cart. "Are you sure?" Dean asked. And Cas nodded. He took a deep breath and pulled the lap bar as tight as he could against his stomach. His gut was tied into knots and he grabbed the padded bar attached to the front. When everyone had boarded, a droning voice went over the instructions. There was no way Cas would eat on the ride, stick his hands up too far, or any of that crap, so he just tried to mentally prepare himself for the ride to come. When the voice said, in a slightly more excited voice, "three... two... one..." Cas' heart started to pound. But he didn't really have time to think because the carts shot forward. The air tore at Cas' skin and tears flew out of his eyes as they went up and down and upside down. They rocketed up into the air and came down so quickly that the breath was ripped from Cas' lungs. He could hear Dean's excited hollering and Cas looked over at him. Dean's hands were raised up into the air and he was smiling as big as he ever had. His eyes were so big and he looked so excited. Cas just kind of forgot that they were on a roller coaster called Death Match because he was with Dean and he was so in love.

And the roller coaster screeched to a stop. Dean looked over, his hair pushed back from his forehead. "Wasn't that awesome?" Dean grinned. 

Cas felt his face involuntarily stretch into a smile. He wiped the stray tears away with his shoulder. "It actually kind of was." 

"And I didn't let you fall, did I?" Dean followed Cas onto the platform and they held each other while they got their land legs back. When they finally clambered down the stairs, Dean turned to Cas and just kissed him on the lips. Cas knew that Dean was thankful that Cas would put his fears behind him. 

After that, they went on any ride and did anything. Cas wasn't scared anymore because Dean had him. And the rides and the heights weren't too bad. Not as bad as Cas had thought before. 

When the sun finally set and Cas was holding the giant black cat stuffed animal that Dean had won him in the game where you had to knock down the milk bottles with a baseball. Dean had got them all on the first try which made Cas smile with pride. 

Dean got in the car and Cas got in the passenger seat, setting his cat in the back seat. 

"Thank you. I had a lot of fun today." Cas said. Dean looked at him. His too blue eyes were so big and lovely looking at Dean. 

Dean turned the car off and just looked at Cas, shaking his head and smiling.

"What?" Cas asked.

"You... you are something else. You are something special, Castiel." Dean softly brushed his thumb against Cas' jawline. 

Cas' eyes glanced at the floor and he blushed a deep red color. "Dean-" he started to say.

Dean leaned over and kept shaking his head. "No. Don't say anything." 

They were bathed in evening light and they were kissing and Cas' hands were twisted around Dean's back and with every breath, Cas whispered how much he loved Dean. And Dean whispered it back, speaking wonders with the way he bit Cas' lower lip and how he moved from Cas' lips to his neck to his forehead. He loved every part of Cas. And he had never felt this way about another person. He hadn't loved Cassie in this way. He hadn't even loved Lisa this way. Cas was different. Cas had tucked himself into Dean's heart, and it lit a fire in Dean, deep and hot and sweet.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

Cas and Gabriel got the job at Full Moon. Gabriel was a doorman and Cas was a bellhop. It was a lot of work, but they liked interacting with people well enough. Dean kept doing art for his major, finishing his second year of college off with three A's, one B, and one C in Art History. Dean said it was because "the professor hated him." But Cas knew that it was because the class was much too boring for Dean to really listen and that Dean fell asleep at least twice every week. Sam was having a "good time" trying to study for his LSAT's and Jessica was there for him all the way, even while she was studying to be a nurse.

When Cas got to his apartment after a particularly strenuous day at work, he stripped his uniform off and got in a cold shower. When he got out, he heard a knock at his door. 

"I'm not decent, I'll be right there!" Cas shouted.

There was no answer so Cas just shrugged and pulled on his red sweater and a pair of dark jeans. When he went to the door and opened it and saw no one, he looked down. Sitting right in front of his door was a big bouquet of red roses. He bent down and looked at the small ivory card attached. In Dean's scribbled handwriting, it read "I got big news. Come up when you can." 

Cas was surprised. This was a very sweet gesture so this must be very big news. Cas quickly towel dried his hair and nearly ran upstairs to Dean's apartment. He unlocked the door and went inside while knocking on the doorframe. "Hey, I'm here." Cas said. 

Dean came over, his fingertips stained with charcoal. He had been working on something and working hard. 

"What did you have to tell me?" Cas grinned.

Dean shrugged and walked over to the kitchen sink to get a drink of water. He took a while pouring himself a glass and then drinking it, slowly. He was baiting Cas.

"Come on, Dean." Cas whined, edging towards Dean and pouting.

Dean shrugged again and then mumbled something. 

"What?" Cas asked.

"I got commissioned for something. Just an art piece. It's just gonna be the center of a museum this guy's curating. There's gonna be this whole gala thing." Dean said offhandedly. 

Cas' mouth dropped open and he launched himself at Dean. "Oh my god! That's amazing! I am so proud of you, Dean!" He exclaimed. He buried his head in Dean's shoulder. He could feel Dean's body against his. He was so relaxed, he was so happy.

"It's not that big of a deal" Dean rolled his eyes, smiling.

Cas kissed him. "Are you kidding me? This is such a big deal! This is fantastic!" He shouted.

Sam poked his head out from the bedroom. "I said that too. Dean's trying to push it off and be all modest or something." He smirked.

"We should go out to dinner to celebrate!" Cas said. 

Dean looked down at the ground, acting rather shy. "Well, instead of going out to dinner, how about you guys go shop for suits? And Sam, go take Jess to buy a dress."

Sam cocked his head. "Why?" 

"Well, the gala is actually in two days." Dean said. "And I asked for 3 tickets. For you guys." 

"Two days? Jesus, Dean. Are you sure you can finish a piece in that time?" Sam exclaimed.

Dean turned around, walking towards his bedroom and sending a wink in Sam's direction. "You underestimate me." He said. "Now, I'm gonna go work on it and I don't want either of you to see it before the big unveiling. Now, go get suits. If either of you show up in jeans, I will kill you." Dean shut the door softly behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas ended up going to get a suit by himself because Sam had to get his specially tailored. Apparently, he was too tall for normal suits. Cas ended up getting a grey shirt with black pants and a black vest. The man who had picked out all the clothes for him told him to get a red tie and a black suit jacket and he'd be "golden." So that what exactly what he had bought.

On the night of the big gala, Cas stood by the Impala, waiting for Dean. For professing to be an "easy-going dresser" it sure was taking him a long time to get ready. Sam had gone to pick up Jess and they were going to meet them there. The night was a cold one and you could tell that the winter was definitely coming. Cas' breath billowed in puffs in front of his face. 

Cas looked up and then he saw him. Dean was walking quickly down the stairs. He was grimacing, which made Cas chuckle to himself, but otherwise he was beautiful. His suit was all black except for his clean white shirt. He was wearing a black tie that was tucked into the jacket and when Dean got to the landing, he adjusted it to make sure it looked perfect. He looked up, meeting Cas' eyes. He looked so gorgeous with his spring green eyes and his undone hair.

"You... look... fantastic." Cas kissed Dean between every word. He tasted like spearmint toothpaste. 

Dean shrugged. "And you don't look too bad yourself." 

Cas went around the the side of the car and got in, fiddling with his tie. He was so nervous. He was gonna be with Dean and Dean's work people and Dean's art friends. Cas didn't want to seem like a bumbling idiot. He had even looked up a bunch of art facts on the internet right before so he might at least know what everyone was talking about.

"You okay? You seem nervous." Dean looked over at him when they were halfway to the museum.

"Keep your eyes on the road." Cas said. "And I kinda am. It's just- I don't want to look like an idiot in front of all your sophisticated art friends and we're in a museum and I want to impress everyone."

Dean just smiled and shook his head. "You're gonna be fine."

Cas felt better after that, more confident. When Dean pulled the Impala to a stop right next to Sam's car, Cas got out of the car with his shoulders held high and no doubts in his head. 

Sam walked over wearing a dark blue suit. Jessica was walking next to him. Her hair was curled and it fell down onto her shoulders. It was half pinned up and it used shiny diamond pins to sweep the curls away from her face. She was wearing a flowy, light blue dress with cap sleeves and sparkles on the top. She looked very pretty, but then again, she always looked pretty. 

"This is so cool, Dean. I'm so impressed with you." Jess grinned.

"No need to be impressed." Dean held his hands up in the air. 

"There is so a reason to be impressed" Cas said.

Dean scoffed. They went in the museum and soft violin music was being played in the corner by a tall man with a mustache. 

"Okay, close your eyes." Dean whispered in Cas' ear.

Cas shut his eyes so tight he saw blue and red firework lights. He didn't want to accidentally spoil it for himself.

"Open" Dean whispered.

Cas opened his eyes. The drawing in front of him was incredible. It was a male angel, fallen from grace. His back was rippling with muscles. His face was hidden in the crook of his arm and the background was an explosion of charcoal, black and grey and white and swirling. But the greatest part of the whole piece was the wings. There was so much detail in the soft grey feathers and they stretched across the canvas, telling the story of the newly fallen angel and his great despair. They looked so soft that Cas wanted to reach out and touch them. The angel was wearing only a dirty white cloth and it laid across the bottom half of his body. One of the angel's hands was holding the cloth and you could just see the way his fingers were flexed exactly right to look like he was gripping the cloth with everything he had. There was so much feeling in one picture. Cas found himself getting choked up and he closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. 

"Do you like it?" Dean asked softly, sliding his hands in Cas'. Dean's thumb stroked the back of Cas' hand. 

Cas couldn't say anything. He was looking at the beauty of the strokes and the softness of the background and the sinewy muscles that looked so gentle and the angel that looked so broken even though you couldn't see his face and it was so amazing. Cas could hardly breathe he was so enraptured in the art that was sitting before him.

Dean turned Cas towards him, looking at his face. "You don't like it, do you." Dean frowned.

Cas just shook his head. "You do love it?" Dean asked and Cas nodded yes. 

"It's... wow." Cas breathed.

"This is awesome" Sam grinned, punching Dean's shoulder lovingly.

Jess kissed Dean on the cheek. "Really, Dean. This is wonderful. I mean, really. It's the most fantastic piece of art I've ever seen. I promise. Picasso has nothing on you." She said. 

Dean crinkled his nose. "Eh, it's not that great. Go look around, you'll change your mind." He winked.

"Okay, whatever. We're still gonna think yours is the best." Sam took Jessica and they walked down the hallway, admiring the paintings and drawings and pastels on the wall. There was a lot of beautiful art, but none compared to Dean's. Not even a little bit. 

They walked around the museum, looking at art and holding hands. When they came back to Dean's painting, Cas was just as caught up in it as he was the first time he saw it. 

"Winchester." A deep, british voice interrupted Cas' thoughts.

Dean's mouth curved up into a smile. "Crowley. This is my boyfriend, Castiel. Cas, this is Crowley. He's the museum curator."

To Cas' surprise, Crowley didn't react to Dean having a boyfriend.He didn't even blink. "Hello, Castiel. I'm the one who found this gem." Crowley gestured at Dean's painting.

"He did find me." Dean smiled. "A diamond in the rough." He laughed.

Crowley, who was a smallish man with black hair and almost black eyes, winked and walked away. 

"He seemed... nice." Cas said, raising his eyebrows. 

Dean pulled Cas into a hug. "He is, I promise. But he can be kinda standoffish at first meet. He'll grow on you, I promise."

They mingled with Dean's art friends and other art experts and Cas didn't even have to use any of the art history that he had wikipedia'd and by the end of the night, Dean's painting was gone. Someone had bought it for 20,000 dollars in the auction. Crowley came over, bumped Dean on the shoulder, and said "I thought it would go for more. Next time, Winchester." And then he left. 

At the end of the night, Dean was smiling so big. Cas had never seen him so inexplicably happy. Sam came over, clapped Dean on the shoulder and whispered in his ear. Dean laughed, a loud and rumbling laugh. "That's my boy." He said. Jess kissed Dean on the cheek again and then pulled him into a fierce hug. "This was amazing. Thank you." She said.

And then Sam put his arm around Jess and said, "mom and dad would have been so proud." 

Dean just brought his fist to his mouth and closed his eyes, looking like he was about to cry. Cas stepped forward and put his arm around Dean right as Dean choked out "Thank you, Sammy." 

Sam nodded and took Jess to the car. 

"You want to take a walk?" Cas asked.

Dean didn't say anything, just leaned on Cas' arm and began to walk. The night had gotten progressively colder, but the cool air felt good on their skin after being in the warm museum all night long. The moon was huge and yellow and it washed everything in a calm ivory light. 

Cas squeezed Dean's arm. "You okay?"

"Yeah. It's just sometimes. God, I wish my mom was here." Dean looked up at Cas with sad eyes. 

"Hey. She is here. And you know that. You draw angels, you dream about angels." Cas kissed Dean on the forehead. "Your mother is an angel, and she's watching over you." 

Dean hugged Cas tight and Cas hugged him back so hard.

"Well, well. What do we have here?"

Cas backed up. Alastair was standing a few yards away from Dean and Cas. There were three huge men with permanent looking frowns engraved on their faces standing behind him.

Dean sighed. "What the fuck do you want?" 

Alastair grinned. He looked feral and sadistic. "I told you, Dean Winchester. I told you to stop drawing angels. But did you listen? No. And here are the consequences." 

Dean pushed Cas behind him and automatically rolled up his sleeves. Alastair stepped forward and out of nowhere, punched Dean in the face. Cas could hear the cracking of Dean's jaw and Cas stood in front of Dean with his arms out, protecting him with his own body, screaming "NO! STOP!" 

Alastair sneered at him. "Boys, take this one and make him watch as I beat his boyfriend until he screams."

The men with the permanent frowns came and ripped Cas' arms behind his back as he struggled. He kicked and he screamed and he yelled but he couldn't get free.

Dean punched Alastair in the face, red dripping from his nose. "You're gonna regret that." Alastair said. 

Alastair lunged at Dean and knocked him to the ground. Dean rolled on top of Alastair and just kept hitting him in the face again and again and again. Alastair was smiling, even while he was bleeding so much, as one of the other men came right behind Dean. 

Cas screamed. "BEHIND YOU!" And Dean turned around just in time for the man to land a hit right in his stomach. Dean doubled over and fell to the ground, scrambling to get back up. But he was too late. Alastair punched him in the ribs and Dean was shaking so hard it was nearly impossible for him to keep upright. He swayed on his feet and hit the man in the face. Dean ducked Alastair's punch but was hit in the neck by the big man's.

Castiel was struggling so hard to get away and the other two men holding him just got fed up with his kicking and brawling and yelling. They swung Cas' arms so that he tumbled to the ground and they just kicked him. They kicked him over and over and over. Everywhere. In the face and the neck and the ribs and his legs. And he was crying, he was crying so hard and he was screaming and he could hear Dean's muffled grunts and his moans and he knew that something bad was happening to Dean and he couldn't do a damn thing to stop it.

The men picked Cas up and threw him to the ground, right next to Dean. And Dean wasn't moving. He was still, his eyes closed and his suit and face were so bloody and so dirty. Cas tried to take a deep breath, but it hurt so bad and his legs were screaming in pain and Cas took every ounce of strength he had and he just slid his hand over into Dean's and squeezed lightly. It was such a simple gesture, but in that moment, it meant so much.

Alastair laughed and wiped the blood that was pouring out of his nose off on his sleeve. His lips were swollen and more blood spilled out of his mouth when he was talking, but he was grinning masochistically. "Watch yourselves. And don't try to fuck with me again." He winked and walked away, the men following right behind him. Cas laid his head on the cold pavement and looked over at Dean. Cas was so weak and everything hurt and finally he just couldn't stand it anymore. His eyes fluttered shut and he succumbed to the darkness, his whole body relaxing. 

Dean woke up a few minutes later and he just felt Cas' hand in his. He squeezed the hand as hard as he could. But Cas didn't respond. Dean rolled over onto his stomach so he could look at Cas, and you could just see the sheer panic in his eyes. Cas' eyes were closed and his breathing was hitched. Something was seriously wrong and Dean could see it. So Dean pulled Cas' head into his lap and just stroked his hair away from his blood stained forehead. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at it. The screen was cracked, but it was working. He called 911 and told them what had happened and then he just hung up and threw the phone on the ground. He looked down at Cas' face and kissed him, right between his eyebrows. He could hear Cas breathe. In and out, in and out. But it was a weak, soft breath, and it wasn't comforting.

"You gotta stay with me, baby. Please. I'm so sorry, Cas. I'm so sorry." Dean cried, praying for the ambulance to get there fast. Dean was hurt too, but he didn't care about himself. Cas was in more pain and he was more hurt and he maybe was dying, and that was all that mattered. And it was all Dean's fault.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

Anna sat next to Cas' bed, holding both of his hands tightly in hers. Her hair was tied into a messy ponytail and she had been sitting in the same spot for hours on end, waiting and waiting for Cas to open his eyes. Her body was aching but all she wanted was her big brother to get better. He had been there for her. Been there for her through nearly everything. He was her best friend, through thick and thin. And now he was sitting here, so injured, breathing so roughly. The breaths whooshed in and out of his chapped lips. 

"Is he gonna be okay?" She asked.

The doctor, a man with a pepper gray beard and thin wire glasses looked over at her. He was exasperated, obviously. She had asked him the same question every single time he had come into the room. But he never, ever had an answer. "Anna, I've told you many times. We don't know. Castiel has multiple contusions on the brain, some internal bleeding, and his leg was broken in several places." He breathed out an annoyed puff of air out of his mouth.

Anna looked over at Cas, her heart nearly shattering in two. His face was dark with purple bruises, staining his face. They were the color of storm clouds just before night time. And the blankets were so thin, you could see the giant white plaster cast through the paper-like blankets. Anna always worried that he was too cold, and the nurse had already brought in two extra blankets and then they wouldn’t let her give Cas any more of them. The way the pale light filtered in through the windows made Cas look even more sick and even made Anna even more worried. If Cas didn’t make it she didn’t… she didn’t know what she would do.

It had been exactly eight days and Cas hadn't woken up yet. When he first got admitted, he was in a lot of pain and he was having a lot of problems so they had put him in a medically induced coma so that his brain wouldn't swell with his movements but he hadn't woken up when they thought he would, even after they took him off the hardcore pain medication. Anna squeezed his hand. His fingers were so cold. The tips of his fingers were a blue tint and Anna blew on them to warm them up.

Anna looked across the way. She could see Dean in the other room through the glass window. He had the curtain pulled back only because Gabriel had pulled it back when he was there so “Dean could see Cas” but Dean never looked over. He refused to look over at Cas. He was definitely awake, but he wasn't allowed to get out of bed. So he would just stare at the wall, a self-hating look always on his face. And when he closed his eyes, he looked like he was in such pain. He looked like he was in so much pain that the nurses upped his pain meds to knock him out. But he stayed awake, staring at the blank white wall. 

"Thanks, doc." Anna said absentmindedly. She didn’t even look up at him.

The doctor nodded and left. Anna leaned down and whispered fiercely in Cas' ear, "we need you now, Cas. Dean needs you. I need you. You need to come back to us, okay? Don’t follow the light. Do whatever you need to do to come back." 

Cas didn't move. 

Gabriel walked in, coming back from the cafeteria with a sandwich and a juice box. He had the straw in his mouth and he sat down next to Anna before he poked it in. "No better?" He asked, motioning towards Cas.

Anna shook her head, sadly. Gabriel, despite his perpetually joking manner, hadn’t slept in a few days. He had bags under his eyes, but he was still smiling. He was worried, but he didn’t want Anna to worry. He wanted to convince her that Cas was okay.

Gabriel took a bite of his sandwich. "And how's Dean?" He whispered.

They looked over at him. He was staring at the wall again. He looked so broken, so sad. He couldn’t even hold his head up. He leaned back against the pillow, so resigned. 

"Castiel, you weak son of a bitch! Wake up!" Gabriel yelled.

Anna looked at him, horrified. "Gabe! Watch it." She said. 

Gabriel suddenly jumped to his feet. "I have to go home really fast. I know what'll wake him up." Gabriel said, running out the door, leaving his sandwich behind. 

“Gabe, what are you doing?” Anna yelled after him.

He just kept going.

She sighed and just squeezed Cas' hand again. She glanced up at the dirty tiled ceiling. "Please. God. If you're there, somewhere, please do something. He's so sweet, he's so kind. He doesn't deserve this at all. Please, if you let anyone live, let it be him. If you let him live and you let me die, I'll be okay. Please, just he's been through so much and he deserves so much more than he's gotten his whole life. He's gotten the short end of the stick and just this time, help him out. Please." Anna was crying. She saw the tears roll off her face but she didn’t even wipe them away. 

All Cas saw was blue light. It was nearly blinding. It faded into a gradual white and he blinked a few times. When his eyes finally adjusted all he saw was Anna's soft green eyes staring at him. She was leaning over his bed. "Cas? Oh my god! Cas!" She screamed. Cas shrunk back into the pillow, trying to cover his ears. “Oh god, sorry!” She cried. And then she nearly leapt across the bed to hit the nurses button. 

When the nurse finally came, she just took one look in the room before running out as fast as she could. The doctor came in about ten seconds later, his clunky white tennis shoes squeaking loudly as he walked. You could hear him coming from a mile away. He took out a pen light from his coat pocket and shined it in Cas' eyes. "Any pain? How do you feel?" He asked. 

Cas’ first thought was “not too good, there’s a bright light in my eyes” but he just took a deep breath, trying to steady his shaking body and his shaking thoughts. "I feel... okay. My head hurts. And I'm very thirsty. But other than that, I think I am okay." He said, his voice raspy.

The doctor nodded. "That's a good sign. How much does your head hurt on a scale of one to ten?" 

Cas considered for a moment. He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to think straight. It was hard to gather his mind together. It was like he couldn’t grab what he was trying to say. "I think it is about a seven." 

The doctor nodded again. "That's a very, very good sign." He said. "We'll take another MRI as soon as we can so we can see if your brain swelling went down. I've also talked with the other doctors and we have decided that your internal bleeding situation is only ecchymosis, so we're not too worried about this." 

Cas shrugged. "Do whatever you want." He said. And then something clicked in the back of Cas’ mind. He looked at Anna suddenly with big, scared eyes. "Where's Dean?" His voice was shaking as much as he was. 

Anna smiled, but it was a sad smile. It sent shivers down Cas’ spine. What was wrong with Dean? Was Dean okay? She looked across the way, where Dean still wasn't looking. He had probably heard her shouting, but he was deliberately looking somewhere else. She pointed across the hallway. "Over there" she said.

Cas sat up, too quickly. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and swayed side to side before regaining his balance. The doctor stood back, his face confused as he tried to figure out what Cas was doing. He grabbed the metal carrier that had the IV drip hanging from it and wheeled it nearer to him. “What are you…” the doctor's eyes widened when Cas swung his feet off the bed. 

"Woah, woah, woah." The doctor held out his hands and put them on Cas' shoulders, pushing him back into bed.

Cas looked at him angrily. His voice was strong when he spoke "what?"

"You can't get up! You just woke up from a coma after eight days. Mr. Novak, you can't get up." The doctor protested.

Cas balled up his fists and pressed them against his eyes. His body was trembling so hard and he just curled up on himself, laying back down on the bed. He buried his face on the pillow. "I need to know if he's okay." Cas said. 

Anna stood up and faced the doctor. "Please. They got hurt together, they love each other, and no one can deny that they need to be together. Can you at least move one of their beds into the others room? Even for like, an hour. How would you feel if you were across the way from the person you loved and you couldn't talk to them or see for yourself if they were okay. You can tell Cas that Dean’s okay but he won’t stop bugging you until he knows it for himself. We are related, you know.” The doctor’s eyes widened and Anna added “plus, it's not fair. Married couples get to be in the same room, why can't they?" 

"I'm hearing you, I get it." The doctor said. "I'll see what I can do."

A few hours later, he came in again, his shoes squeaking louder than ever. Anna stood up excitedly. Cas looked over at him with a look that wasn't far from hatred. "I said I'd see what I could do." He said. He looked down at the floor and fiddled with the edge of his white coat.

"Why can't I be with the man I love?" Cas cried angrily. He looked like he was about to cry. 

The doctor held up his hands. "I got it approved. We're going to move you into Mr. Winchester's room."

Cas smiled so big. His eyes just completely lit up. It was the happiest Anna had seen Cas since he had woken up. Anna bit her lip and grinned as Cas brightened. "Thank you! Thank you so much!" He exclaimed.

Three nurses came in and one grabbed the IV bag, one grabbed the top of the bed, and one grabbed the bottom of the bed. They rolled a giddy looking Cas, who was practically jumping up and down in his bed while still sitting, into Dean's room. Anna followed behind closely. When they got into the room, Dean finally looked up. His eyes were so sad, even with Cas in the room.

While the nurses were setting Cas up and making sure Cas was situated, he said "Dean, you're okay!" He beamed, his blue eyes just glowing when he looked at Dean. 

Dean just nodded simply, not making eye contact. "How are you feeling?" He asked worriedly.

Cas thanked the doctor before he left and he reached his hand out towards Dean’s bed. He was close enough that he could just barely reach Dean's hand. He squeezed it so hard, trying to communicate all the love and relief and happiness he was experiencing in one small gesture that was really all he could do. Dean smiled a little bit, finally meeting Cas’ eyes, before repeating "how are you feeling?"

Cas took a deep breath. "I'm really good, Dean. I have to go get an MRI today or tomorrow, but other than that, I'm golden. And I’m with you now." Cas said, and then he tilted his head. "How are you?"

Dean looked away. "Who cares?"

Cas just looked down at his blanket, suddenly very self conscious. He played with the frayed edge of it and bit his lip. "I care." He said in a small voice.

Dean didn't respond, he just turned away onto his back. Cas’ hand paused in the air for a few moments before he pulled it back on the bed and slid it underneath the covers.

~~~~~~~~~

"What did I miss?" Gabriel asked Anna.

Anna smiled. "He woke up and now he's with Dean, exactly where he belongs. What did you go home to get?" She asked.

Gabriel winked and pulled out a Playboy magazine, shrugging. 

Anna narrowed her eyes at him. "How would that even help? He was out cold. He couldn't look at it? You're an idiot, Gabe."

"My describing techniques are impeccable. They could wake up a dead man." He tucked the Playboy back into his bag. 

Anna just rolled her eyes.

A few hours later, Cas got his MRI, and when the test results came back it was declared that he was good to go. Dean got discharged about two hours before Cas and he had gone home to clean the apartment and "get it ready so when Cas came home it would be nice" or something. Anna was waiting for Cas when he got out. He had his grey backpack slung over his shoulder and he was fumbling with his crutches and trying not to fall over. Anna jogged over and grabbed the backpack, putting it on. 

“Are the crutches hard?” She asked. 

Cas stopped for a second. "Just hard to get used to, I think. And my cast is heavy. But it's not that bad." He shrugged and continued to crutch to the car. 

Anna quickly followed behind him. He got in the backseat of her car and propped up his leg, grunting in pain. She started the car and turned on the radio and they sat in silence the whole way home.

"Do you want me to walk you up?" Anna asked.

Cas smiled and his eyes crinkled at the edges. "You're very sweet, Anna. But I think I can make it up okay. Thank you for taking care of me all these days. I know you probably missed school and it's going to be a lot of work to catch up." 

Anna shrugged. "I don't care. I just care that you're okay. I'll see you later, okay?"

Cas nodded. "Okay." 

Anna drove away and Cas started the long, tedious journey up the stairs. After about half an hour, he finally made it to the top. He breathed a sigh of relief and fumbled for his key.

"Dammit" he cursed under his breath.

The door opened and Dean was standing there. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a red plaid shirt. Cas' heart felt like it was fluttering as he met Dean's eyes.

"Come in" Dean said softly.

"This is my apartment, you know." Cas grinned.

Dean smiled a little bit. When Cas went in, his apartment was clean and there were candles lit everywhere. "I uh, cleaned up." Dean said.

"Thank you" Cas said. He leaned towards Dean and wrapped one of his arms around him. The crutch clattered to the ground and Dean jumped about a foot in the air. 

Cas played with the small hairs at the back of Dean's neck. "Hey. Are you okay?" He whispered.

Dean leaned down and picked up the crutch. He handed it to Cas and then walked away. 

"Cas. I did this to you. You wouldn't even need the fucking crutch if it wasn't for me." Dean said, his voice low. "And I'm just... I'm just putting you in danger by being with you. By being near you. You could have died. And it would have been my fault. Alastair... he might come back. I don't know."

Cas went over to the chair and sat down, leaning his crutches against the wall. "What does that mean?" He said tentatively.

"I... don't think we can be together anymore. I don't want to hurt you again. I'm sorry." Dean said. His voice was soft and sad. He nodded a little bit, looked at Cas one more time, and headed for the door.

Cas stood up, ignoring the blinding pain in his leg. "YOU COWARD!" He screamed. "YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!"


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

Dean turned around, slowly. His eyebrows were raised and his green eyes were wide with confusion. "Excuse me?" 

"You're a liar and you're a coward and you never loved me." Cas said quietly, his voice feral and near savage.

"I never lied, Castiel. I never lied to you. Not once. Not ever." Dean said firmly. 

Cas rolled his eyes angrily. "I guess lying must be a hobby of yours or something. Because there you go, lying again. I think it's called a pathological liar, right? You should know." He cracked the knuckles on his left hand.

"I never lied. I'm just-" Dean took a deep breath and paced back and forth in the room, balling his hands into fists. He was obviously frustrated. "Why can't you see that I'm just trying to protect you? I should have just done this earlier so that it wouldn't hurt so goddamn bad. But this is something that I have to do. I have to do this because I don't want you to get hurt. For the next- I don't know how long- you're gonna be in that fucking cast and it's my fault." 

Cas stood completely still. "Should have done it earlier?" He said, his voice so quiet and raspy that Dean could barely hear it. His mouth was slightly open and he looked hurt, so hurt.

"That's not what I meant." Dean deflated.

"Anger brings out the truth in people, I guess." Cas said.

Dean's foot tapped on the hard wooden floor. "It's my fault. And maybe if I had listened to Alastair's warnings earlier, you wouldn't be hurt. And it's my fault. And what are we gonna do when he comes back? We're already aware that he's absolutely nuts, so we really don't know what he's gonna do."

"It's not your fault, It's Alastair's." Cas said. "And I don't understand. What's worse? You hurting me, or him hurting me? If he comes again- and this is a big if- then maybe you can protect me then. We can fight him together. But this? What you're doing? All you're doing is hurting me more than he ever would. And I don't care about the physical pain. Sure, it hurt like hell. But you're alive, and I'm alive, and I love you and we're both fine." 

"You're not fine!" Dean yelled, his face turning red. "Look at that on your leg! And you were out for eight days..." he took a deep, trembling breath. "They didn't think you were gonna wake up. I don't know what I would have done if..." 

"Oh, that's great." Cas said softly. "You were almost rid of me, but now you have to break up with me to make it final. Don't worry Dean, I have pity on you. I'll see if I can room with Gabriel for some time until I can move out. Because I was almost dead, and oh, I worried you so much that when it was discovered I wasn't dead you were a complete asshole to me. But now that you're sure I'm alive you still want to leave me. Yeah, I'm sure you love me. Yeah, right." His voice was laced with thinly veiled sarcasm. 

Dean stepped forward into the ivory light. He looked like he had just been kicked in the stomach over and over and over. He looked completely hollow. He closed his eyes and licked his too chapped lips and paused for a second. "Don't make this harder than it has to be." He said.

"It should be really hard! It should be one of the hardest things you've ever done! You fixed something in me, Dean. And it was something that had been broken for so long. And somehow you came into my life and you just fixed it, and everything felt okay again. And now you're gonna leave me, and you're gonna leave me more shattered than you found me. I can't lose you, Dean. I can't. I need you." Cas realized that he was crying and he hid his face in the crook of his arm. 

Dean didn't say anything for a few long minutes. He just watched Cas. Cas was shaking so hard, his body struggling to keep on it's feet. The cast was weighing him down. Almost in the same way that the guilt, sitting in the pit of Dean's stomach, was weighing him down. "You'll keep going on without me." Dean said. He looked down at the ground, too ashamed to meet Cas' eyes.

"Bullshit" Cas murmured.

"What?"

Cas looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head. He prayed so hard. No, no, no. God, don't take him away. Please. I need him. I love him. You can't just give me him and then take him away.

Cas straightened up, holding his shoulders tall. "I call bull." He shrugged. "You can do without me. You have your painting and your college and you have your brother and Jessica and you have Bobby and Ellen and Jo and Ash and what do I have, Dean? I have my shit job and I have my siblings and then there's you, Dean. And that's it. And if there's one thing in this godforsaken world I cannot do without, it's you, by far."

Dean shook his head and still wouldn't meet Cas' eye. Cas could feel Dean leaving him like water slipping through his cupped hands. No matter how hard he tried, how tight he held his fingers, the water would inevitably drain out.

Cas wiped a stray tear away with his shoulder. He was so angry. He was angry at himself and angry at Dean and really just angry at everything. And he didn't want to cry any more. Dean wasn't crying and he knew that Dean probably was one to think that crying was a sign of weakness. And Cas didn't want to seem weak in front of him. Not now. "You're giving up." Cas said brokenly.

Dean just kept looking down at the ground. "I'm protecting you. And if you don't understand that... I'm sorry." 

Cas grabbed his crutches and leaned on them. He used them while walking over to the kitchen, putting his back to Dean. He bent his head down and you could just see his heart breaking right then and there. Cas braced himself on one crutch and tried to reach up for a glass to get some water.

"Here." Dean said, reaching up and grabbing it for him.

"I thought you were leaving." Cas' voice hitched and he immediately cursed himself for sounding so weak again. He grabbed the glass from Dean's hand, careful not to brush his fingers, and filled it with water. He drank it quickly and then he just set the cup on the table. He wasn't even thirsty, he just needed a distraction.

Dean walked away, towards the door. He kicked the chair, frustrated, and it made a loud snapping noise. Cas jumped, surprised. 

"Why is this so fucking hard?" Dean murmured, mostly to himself. 

Cas didn't say anything. But so many different thoughts spun through his head. He wanted to say so much. He wanted to tell Dean to say because Dean loved him. Because Dean needed him. But he didn't really know that. So he just said nothing. If Dean was going to leave, Dean was going to leave. There was no stopping him if that's what he truly wanted to do.

"I have to go, Cas." Dean muttered.

"Wait" Cas yelled. And then his voice softened. "Wait, please, wait."

Dean turned around. He looked at Cas with sad eyes. 

"Dean, please just hear me out." Cas said.

Dean just nodded.

"You're beautiful. You walk into a room, and you're breathtaking. And you continue to take my breath away. And I would love to have no breath for the rest of my life if it meant I could be with you. And you're not just beautiful, you're sweet and you're funny and you are so talented. I just want your charcoal fingers to stain every inch of my skin. Because you look at me and I feel important. You look at me, and I know what I mean in this world. And when I look at you, I know that I'm not meant to just work at random jobs forever. I can do whatever when I'm with you. I can do anything. And this is probably the most pathetic, pleading thing you've ever heard, but I need to say it. I can't lose you. That's just it. And you promised you'd never let me fall. And I trusted you. i took you at your word." Cas took a deep breath. "And if you say you're not a liar, then you better keep your promise."

Dean just turned around and headed for the door. 

Cas just buried his face in his hands. He shut his eyes so hard he saw firework colors behind his eyelids. He just wanted everything to go away. And then he just felt Dean's callused hands brush his own. Dean grabbed Cas' wrists lightly and wrapped them around his waist. Cas just squeezed as hard as he could, pulling Dean's body towards his. Dean put on hand on Cas' cheek and he felt Dean brush one of Cas' stray tears away with his thumb. Cas just kept his eyes closed. Dean just kissed his eyelids and his wet cheeks and then finally Dean kissed Cas' mouth. Cas tasted like sugar.

After a moment, Cas leaned back away from Dean. His eyes were full of doubt. "Does this mean you're staying?" 

Dean kissed him again. "I said I wouldn't let you fall." And then he held up one finger. "Wait wait." He went over to Cas' CD player.

"What are you doing?" Cas asked, leaning on one crutch.

Dean just shushed him, smiling big for the first time since Cas woke up. He leafed through Anna's old CD collection that she had given Cas almost a month earlier because "it's the 21st century and Ipods exist." Dean leafed through the collection for a few moments and then he pulled out a CD. The cover was different stripes of colored fabric. Cas didn't recognize it. When the music flooded through the small speakers, Cas grinned as he figured out what song it was. He felt like a relief had just flooded through him. Dean wasn't going anywhere. Dean was still his. 

"City and Colour?" Cas laughed. "Winchester, you're a chick flick waiting to happen."

Dean just walked over to Cas and slid his arms around him. He took the crutches and put them to the side. And then they just started to dance. Cas was being supported mostly by Dean, but they were together.

Dean kissed Cas on the forehead. And then he sang softly "You're the lullaby that's singing me to sleep. You are the other half, you're like a missing piece." And then they just looked at each other. "I'm sorry for thinking that I could leave you. Thank you. Thank you for not letting me walk out that door." 

Cas shrugged. "Thank you for not leaving." 

Dean's face was illuminated by the slow burning candle light and his green eyes were the color of the forest early in the morning. 

"What are you thinking about?" Dean asked.

"I'm just really relieved. And I really love you." Cas said.

The corners of Dean's mouth curved into a smile. "Even if I had left, I would still be upstairs, listening for your music and listening for you and listening for the way you sing so off key." 

"Hey!" Cas protested.

Dean laughed. "What I'm saying is, I can't forget you. Not now, not ever. Somehow you-" he paused, shaking his head again, clearing his throat "-you are just something else." The way he looked at Cas was a mixture of awe and surprise.

"I feel like I've been waiting for you my whole life." Cas whispered honestly. And that was true. It was like something inside him just clicked when he was with Dean

Dean shrugged. "Maybe it was fate. Or destiny." 

"Whatever it was, I want to thank it for bringing me to you."

"Maybe I'm just really lucky." Dean winked.

Cas just kissed him again and again.

And Dean just pulled Cas to his chest and Cas could hear him singing quietly, his breaths tickling Cas' ear. "Oh my love, oh my love, oh my love."


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

"Do you need help with that?" Sam asked, even though he didn't get up from his spot on the couch. It was more of an empty offer because he knew that Dean would jump to help Cas anyways. Sam was smiling and you could see his dimples. 

Cas was trying to get a Froot Loops cereal box from the bottom shelf and he was leaning on one crutch and trying to hold one foot in the air while bending down simultaneously. His fingers just brushed the side of the box when Dean got up from his chair.

"Of course he needs help." Dean said gruffly, grabbing the cereal box and pouring Cas some. They clinked out into the bowl and he smoothed them over with the edge of the box. He put the bag back in the box and put it back under the counter. He smiled at Cas, crinkling his nose.

Cas blushed. "Thanks." 

"No problem." Dean said. He grabbed the milk from the fridge and poured it into the cereal. Then he grabbed a spoon and set it on the table, right next to the bowl. He even pulled out the chair for Cas to sit.

"There's no need to baby me." Cas said, chuckling."I'm perfectly capable of walking myself to my chair. Most of the time." He sat down in the chair, sighing. His cast was heavy and it took kind of a lot out of him to lug it around all the time. His armpits ached from the crutches. But he wasn’t about to let Dean know that.

Dean just rolled his eyes and pushed Cas' chair in, taking his crutches to set against the wall. 

Sam was laying on the couch, his feet hanging off because he was too tall. And it was a pretty big couch, too. He brushed a hand through his hair. It was getting long. "When do you get that plaster disaster off?" He laughed at his own joke. He actually clutched his stomach he was laughing so hard.

"I get the cast off in exactly three days." Cas grinned.

Dean bent down to kiss Cas' forehead. Cas closed his eyes and blushed a deeper shade of red. "And then we're gonna party." Dean said. "Party all night long." He caught the edge of Cas' ear between his teeth and grinned. Goosebumps shot up Cas' spine.

Sam rolled over onto his stomach, burying his face into the chair. "Get a room, guys." He mumbled.

"Fine. Cas, do you want to go to your apartment?" Dean asked. "We can have some privacy there." 

Cas looked up at him with his huge blue eyes. "I just got cereal." He smiled so big Dean just couldn’t even try to convince him get up to go downstairs.

Dean just looked at him, the corners of his mouth quirked upwards. "When you're done with your cereal then let’s go downstairs." Then he looked pointedly at Sam. "And then we can have hot sex."

Sam groaned. "Shut up, Dean."

Dean winked at Cas and laughed, throwing his head back. 

There was a knock at the door and Sam didn't move, he just kept sitting on the couch. Dean blew a puff of air out of his mouth and got up, squeezing Cas' hand. "I'll get it. Don't you worry, Sammy."

"Thanks." Sam said, ignoring Dean's blatant sarcasm.

Dean opened the door, laughing, and then the smile was wiped clean off his face. It was Michael. He was wearing a crisp white shirt tucked into a pair of dark jeans. He stood uncomfortably, his hands clasped tightly in front of his stomach. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Dean growled.

Michael straightened his shoulders. "I would like to speak with my brother." Michael said.

"Too fuckin' bad." Dean started to slam the door.

Michael's foot stopped it and Dean looked up at him, anger in his eyes. "Move your goddamn foot." Dean said. 

Michael kept his foot in the doorway. "I need to speak with my brother." Michael said softly.

Dean scoffed. "There's no brother of yours here. Sorry." Dean went to close the door again.

"Please." Michael said. "Anna gave me your address after I pleaded with her. She told me that Castiel would be with you most likely. She said that his apartment was not used as much now that he knows you. I need to ask Castiel a question, and then I will leave you alone." He was frowning. 

Dean heard Cas drop his spoon on the table. It clattered on the table and Dean tensed his muscles. "Let him in." He called from the kitchen. 

Dean grit his teeth and looked back at Cas. Sam was sitting on the couch, about to get up, looking at Dean for the signal."Give us a minute." Dean said to Michael.

Michael nodded.

Dean went over to Cas and bent down to Cas’ level. Their faces were inches apart.

"Why do you want him in our apartment?" Dean whispered.

"He has a question. My curiosity wonders what it is. Dean, he won't hurt me. We have your eight foot tall brother over there, you and your muscles, and my leg is broken in several places. I am no threat, but you guys are. I'll be fine." Cas said. “I stood up to him once, who says I can’t do it to me?” 

“I know you can stand up to him, just…” Dean sighed. "Are you sure?" 

"I'm sure." Cas confirmed.

Dean went over and swung open the door, balling his hands into fists. "He wants to see you, for god knows what reason.” And then he whispered, “As for me, I wouldn’t let you in if you were bleeding out on my doorstep.” He stepped out of the way.

Michael walked in and stood in the doorway. "Don't comment on things you don't know about, little boy." Michael said softly. 

"Michael." Cas said loudly. "Don't talk to my boyfriend like that." 

Michael took a deep breath. "So it is true, after all. You're... in love... with this..." 

"His name is Dean." Cas sighed. "What did you come here for? And what did you give Anna to get her to give you our address? She must be really desperate."

"I apologize." Michael said, his voice laced with sarcasm. "And I gave Anna her job back. While you and Gabriel were working at that hotel, Anna was struggling to make tuition. So she came to me and asked me for her job back at the coffee shop. The girl I hired, Daphne, was lacking everything that I wanted, so I rehired Anna. She was very grateful and asked me to offer your job back as well. You must want it. Your job is inferior to your skills." 

"Yeah, and a job at Heaven's Brew coffee shop exactly matches Cas' intelligence." Dean muttered.

Michael glared at Dean and then he said "I would even allow Gabriel to come back as well. Forgiveness is a virtue, Castiel. And you should be thankful that I have it."

Dean was nearly feral. He looked like he was about to pounce on Michael and rip his head up.

"Sam, take Dean outside, please." Cas said softly. Sam complied, dragging Dean out by his arm. 

When the door had closed quietly behind the Winchesters, Cas propped his cast up on the chair. It scraped against the wood and Michael waited to speak until Cas was adjusted. 

"What happened there?" Michael asked.

"I got hurt. But that's not what you came here to talk about. You want me to come back and work at The Brew. Why?" Cas said.

"Anna said that you can't work because of your leg. How are you paying rent?" Michael asked.

"That's not of concern to you. You're assuming that I want to come back. But for what reason? You were never kind, you were never a good boss. We had to memorize orders. That is a ridiculous expectation. And on top of that, you never treated me with the respect I needed as an employee. We don't even want to start on the fact that I am your brother, and treating me like you did was even more unforgivable." Cas spoke with a calm, solemn voice.

"Castiel, I am trying to run a business." Michael said.

"That’s not how you run a business. And you know that. You're cruel. And I don't want to come back to the Brew." Cas said.

Michael took a deep breath, again trying to calm himself down. He dug in his pocket for a few seconds and pulled out his cracked leather wallet. He slid a business card out and placed it on the table. "I wrote my address and my phone number on the back of this card. If you change your mind, call me." He walked away.

"Don't wait up for me to call." Cas called after him.

Michael didn't say anything, he just kept walking. Cas heard Dean say something that sounded a lot like "Don't come back, motherfucker" and then Sam dragged him back inside the apartment.

"You said no, right?" Dean asked as soon as the door closed.

"Of course." Cas said. He set his spoon down and watched the froot loops turn pale as they sunk into the milk. 

Sam looked down at the business card and picked it up, squinting at Michael's hastily scrawled handwriting. "Are you going to say yes at a later date or something? Why does he even want you to work for him that bad?"

Cas shrugged. "He can't boss his new employees around as much as he did to me. If I didn't get an order right, he could throw glass down to the ground and threaten me until I picked up every last piece. But if he did that to one of his new employees, it would be a lawsuit waiting to happen." 

"So he's losing control and he doesn’t like that." Sam said.

"Exactly."

Dean took Cas' half-empty cereal bowl away and put it in the sink, washing it with an angry vigor. 

"I hope Heaven's Brew closes down." Dean grumbled.

"Me too. Crap, I gotta go, guys." Sam said. "I'm meeting Jess at the drive in." 

Dean winked. "Good luck, Sammy. When are you gonna propose to the beautiful girl?" Dean asked, putting the bowl into the cabinet. He was obviously trying to distract himself. He was fidgeting with his hands, still angry about Michael. 

Sam smiled. "I was gonna propose in a few weeks, actually. I was going to ask you about it but I guess you beat me to it.” 

"Really?" Dean clapped Sam on the shoulder, actually happy. "You gonna give her mom's ring?" 

Sam nodded. "Is that okay?"

"Well I can't give a womans ring to Cas, so the second child must get the ring. You better be grateful that Cas doesn’t like women’s jewelry." Dean laughed. 

“That’s true.” Cas chuckled. “They don’t go with my outfits.”

"Thanks Dean. See you guys later, okay? I’ll spill some details when I come back." Sam smiled, grabbed his keys and then left.

Cas struggled to get up from the table. "You would propose?" 

Dean rolled his eyes and raised his eyebrows mysteriously. "Maybe sometime. Maybe soon. Don't ruin the surprise." 

Cas beamed as Dean helped him off the chair. Dean handed him his crutches. Cas crutched onto Dean’s shoulders until he got steady. 

"Thank you" Cas said. 

Cas kissed Dean on the lips and whispered "I'd love to marry you." Dean just winked.

"Don't ruin my proposal. If you're gonna call me a chick flick, like you so often do, then I'm gonna be a chick flick." Dean brushed his lips against Cas' jawline.

"Just give me a good estimate of when" Cas laughed. “I’ve never been one for secrets.” 

"You're gonna need to walk" Dean said. "So after you get the, as Sam so eloquently put it, plaster disaster off, then it will maybe happen. Then you can wait. But not until then." 

Cas groaned and bent down to kiss Dean's neck. It was soft and stubbly and Dean smelled so much like cinnamon and it was spicy and wonderful. And Cas just wanted to shout and sing and scream that Dean was his, that he loved Dean, and it hurt him that he couldn't put it in the words he wanted to. 

So he just whispered "I love you." 

There was a knock at the door just as Dean whispered "I know" back. 

"Shit." Dean said, making sure Cas got stable before he walked over to get the door. His good knee had a tendency to shake and Cas had a hard time not toppling straight over. Dean looked at him one more time before continuing to walk towards the door. He raised his eyebrows and said "If this is Michael I swear to god I will break his nose. He’s too arrogant, he needs a good beating." 

"Just get the door." Cas said. "And try not to break anybody's bones. Yours or the other person."

"No promises" Dean growled.

He swung open the door. "Michael, we don't fucking want what you're selling." Dean said gruffly.

"But I want what you're selling, darling." 

Dean looked up and saw Crowley leaning against the doorframe, wearing an all black suit.

"Oh, um, Crowley." Dean straightened up, turning all business in a matter of seconds. "Sorry about what I said, I was not expecting you." 

Crowley winked. "Sorry, I couldn't reach your cell phone number. It said it was out of business. Changing your number? I've had my fair share of fans as well. I know it’s hard living the famous life." He pushed his way into the apartment. "Hello, Castiel." He said.

"Hi Crowley." Cas said.

"What can I do for you?” Dean asked. “Do you want anything to drink?” 

"Do you have whiskey?” Crowley looked around the small apartment, a look of disdain on his face. Then he saw the angel drawings Cas had made Dean pin to the wall. Crowley pointed. “Oh, angel. I need another angel." He grinned.

Dean went and got the whiskey and poured the caramel liquid into two cups. He took one and handed one to Crowley.

“So how about those angels? This job will pay a lot and give you a lot of other customers. So much so that you’re going to have to turn down jobs. This is a door opener, Winchester.” Crowley said.

Dean paled considerably. "I don't do angels anymore." He said. His voice had dropped two octaves. It was deep and gravelly and Cas could detect fear hidden beneath Dean's strong exterior.

Crowley clucked his town and frowned. "Those are your specialty. What makes you special if not for your angels?" 

"Alastair attacked me for stealing his angels. That's why Cas is hurt, that's why I got hurt. We were in the hospital for over a week." Dean breathed.

“I wonder if DaVinci is going to come back and nearly kill Alastair for stealing angels as well.” Crowley said sarcastically.

“I don’t want him to hurt Cas again.” Dean murmured.

"Blah, blah, blah." Crowley said. "Call me when you grow a pair." 

He turned to leave and Dean said "wait." 

Crowley rolled his eyes. "Yes?" 

"Can I have some time to think about it? Please." Dean asked.

"Sure. But just remember. Alastair paints crap angels with fluffy white wings. You paint pain, you paint angst, you paint life. You're the artist. Alastair doesn’t have a monopoly on angels." Crowley smirked. "Call me when you're ready to draw." 

Dean closed the door after him.

"So? Are you gonna do it?" Cas asked.

"I don't know." Dean said.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

Cas bumped the door open with his hip. He had a tray balanced in his hands with the breakfast he had so meticulously cooked for Dean perched on top of it. It was two scrambled eggs and three pieces of bacon with Dean’s favorite coffee in a ceramic cup on the side. Cas had gotten up at six, gone to the local Farmer's Market, and he had gotten some eggs and vegetables and all the stuff he needed to make the best breakfast ever. He had even searched around for almost twenty minutes trying to find this strange coffee blend that Dean loved. He just never got up early enough to get it. 

"Wake up, sleepyhead." Cas whispered. Dean was surrounded by a mound of blankets, cuddling his mom’s blue quilt to his chest.

Dean kept his head on his pillow and he groaned. “But I don’t wanna get up.”

"I made you breakfast." Cas said.

Dean opened one eye and Cas could see him smiling. "What kind?" He mumbled.

"Eggs and bacon and wait for it..." Cas paused dramatically, "your favorite coffee." 

Dean slowly sat up. "You went to the farmers market?" He was grinning so big that the crinkles around his eyes made an appearance. 

"Only for you. You know how many people tried to sell me weaved bracelets and necklaces and random crafts? This one woman tried to sell me a painted chicken coop. And I nearly bought it because she was so convicing." Cas laughed.

"I'm guessing you nearly bought a lot of stuff. Or did you fall prey to the first few and then wise up?" Dean said.

Cas rolled his eyes and set the tray on Dean's bedside table. "I only fell prey to the very last vendor. It was an old man, he looked like he was blind. He was so old and his skin looked like leather and he was just sitting there in his big red chair. He didn’t say anything like the other people did. He let his products do the talking. And his products were tiny little angels scattered all over his booth. I mean, statues and jewelry and drawings."

"You bought an angel drawing from another man? I am appalled." Dean said, shoveling eggs into his mouth with a spoon.

Cas sat down on Dean's bed and snuggled up next to his side. "No. I wouldn't do that. It's blasphemy." Cas kissed Dean's freckled shoulder.

"Then what'd you buy?" Dean reached over and took a sip of the hot coffee. He moaned and relaxed. "This is amazing." 

"I made it myself. Well, not the coffee beans, obviously. But I brewed it myself." 

Dean looked at him. "You're avoiding my what did you buy question." Dean laughed.

Cas winked. "I bought this." He got up, reluctantly casting one last lance at Dean’s shirtless torso, and went to look around in the kitchen for a few moments. Dean could hear Cas looking all around.

“Come on, hurry up. I’m curious.” Dean said, chuckling.

“Shut up.” Cas said. “I put it somewhere when I was making breakfast but I can’t find it! This is why I don’t cook. Bad things happen when I try to cook.” He sighed. 

“I think good things happen when you cook. These eggs are heavenly.” Dean scraped the plate with his spoon and then started to eat his last piece of bacon. “Well, they were heavenly.”

“You finished it already? And why do I lose everything? All the time!” Cas exclaimed. 

Dean just laughed.

Cas’ fingers finally found what he was looking for and he pulled it out from behind the sink. He filled it up and then he wrapped it in newspaper. He wasn’t about to spend a long time searching for some kind of wrapping paper that probably wasn’t even in the apartment. The Winchesters weren’t huge gift givers in general, and wrapping them nicely? Forget about it. Cas taped the newspaper on and tucked the gift into the waistband of his pants.

“Now it’s your turn to find it” Cas said, winking at Dean as he got into bed.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up into the air. “Oooh. Are you gonna tell me whether I’m hot or cold as I look for it?”

“Sure” Cas grinned.

Dean looked at Cas for a few moments, studying him. “What do I get if I get it on the first guess?” He said.

Cas leaned forward so his face was close to Dean’s. “I’ll give you anything.” He said in a voice not unlike a growl. Cas could just see Dean’s eyes light up and he bit his lip seductively.

Dean looked at him for a few more moments and then he pushed Cas’ grey t-shirt up. He brushed his lips against Cas’ hipbones and then he looped his thumbs around Cas’ pant oops. Cas’ breath hitched in his chest as Dean put his arm around Cas and then he pulled out the newspaper wrapped package.

“You even wrapped it, how sweet.” Dean leaned back.

“That was pretty smart of you to find it.” Cas nodded his head. “Very impressive.”

“I’m not just an artist, I’m also secretly a detective.” He winked. “I may or may not be Sherlock Holmes.”

“Sure, sure.” Cas said. Then he sat next to Dean again, leaning against the headboard. He watched Dean while he slid his index finger underneath the tape. Dean looked at Cas and stopped opening it for a moment.

“You’re excited about this, huh?” Dean smirked.

“I am.” Cas said. “It just reminded me of you.” He blushed and then turned his face downwards, embarrassed.

Dean tore the wrapping off and let it float to the floor. It was a flask. It was metal, but it was scratched so much that it was smooth and rough at the same time. Dean turned it over and there was an angel carved into it with deeper scratches. The angel was covering its face, just like on Dean’s first painting, but instead of its wings being brilliantly extended behind it, the angel was holding them in his one free hand.

“I know it’s kinda gruesome, his wings looking like they were ripped off of his body, but when I was looking at it, I saw his face.” Cas pointed at the small smile you could see through the angel’s fingers. “I asked the man about it and then I gave it to him and he just felt it for a few minutes, and then he said, he’s free from the contains of heaven and he can become a man, because even if sometimes being a man is not fun and it’s imperfect at least you have the choice to try to be perfect. And then when I went to pay for it, he gave it to me for free because I was the only one who’d noticed. They’d all said things like look at how scratched it is why would I buy this and stuff like that. He makes all his stuff himself.” Cas shrugged. “But I asked about it, and so I got it for free.”

“It’s beautiful.” Dean breathed. And then he straightened his shoulders. “Thank you. I really- it’s… wow.” 

“I left some money on the guys stand because obviously he deserved it.” Cas said. “But it reminded me of you especially because you don’t depict the normal fluffy angel, either. Like Crowley said, you depict real life that people can relate to in the radiance of angels.”  
“Thank you, Cas.” Dean said. “I love it.” 

Cas smiled. “Anyway, speaking of Crowley…”

Dean sighed. “I said I didn’t want to talk about it. Why do you insist upon bringing it up? I don’t want to paint the goddamn angels. It’s not worth it.” 

“Please, Dean. For me.” Cas pleaded.

“I’ve decided not to do it so I can keep you safe. It’s all for you.” Dean whispered harshly.

“But I want you to do it.” Cas sighed.

This argument had come up probably over ten times in the week since Crowley had come over. Cas couldn’t stand being the reason that Dean would stop drawing angels. 

“I know you do, Cas. But I just don’t want to put you in danger. You know what I mean?” Dean said.

“Not really.” Cas mumbled.

“Come on, you gotta see it from my point of view. And if you can’t do that, just respect my decision.” Dean took Cas’ head into his hands and kissed him on the forehead, his lips lingering for a few seconds.

Cas pushed Dean away gently. “Just do one. Just do it for me and Crowley and then when you get famous you can offer to pay for Jessica’s wedding dress or something. I don’t know, Dean. I just want you- I don’t want you to stop doing things you love out of worry for me.” 

“Tell me what to do.” Dean said. He didn’t seem to be speaking to anyone in particular. He could be talking to god or to Cas or to himself.

“Start drawing again. It makes you happy. Are you gonna let fear stop you from doing something that makes you happy?” Cas asked. “I know it sounds like I’m from a Lifetime movie, but it’s true. You need to do it because it makes you happy.”

Dean frowned. “You said you’d do anything for me if I found my gift, right?” 

Cas bit his lip. He knew what Dean was going to say. Dean was going to tell him to drop the subject and never bring it up again. “Yeah, Dean. I did say that.” Cas said, his voice sad.

Dean glanced up at the ceiling and then he looked at Cas, his eyes so green and so striking. “Can you go get me a canvas and a box of charcoal from the box in the living room? Oh, and grab me my phone from the kitchen table. I need to tell Crowley that I’m in.” 

Cas’ face burst into a grin and he scrambled out of bed. “Of course! Oh, Dean! Thank you! Thank you!” He exclaimed. 

“I give you the good news you wanted and you don’t even kiss me?” Dean laughed. “What kinda relationship is this?”

Cas hurried over, knotted his fingers into Dean’s hair, and kissed him as hard as he could. 

“Woah” Dean said. “I should give you good news more often.” 

Cas just winked. He jogged out of the room and grabbed the phone, the canvas, and the charcoal. He was back in Dean’s room in probably a minute flat. “I’m back” he panted. 

He unlocked Dean’s phone and looked through his contacts until he got to Crowley’s name. He clicked it and it automatically started calling him.

“Crap, it’s calling.” Cas handed the phone to Dean.

“You’re pushy.” Dean laughed.

Cas sat on the bed. He watched Dean expectantly. 

“Hey, Crowley. It’s me.” Dean said. “Yes, I’ll do it. Yeah, I know. I finally pulled my head out of my ass for long enough to call you back, you’re right for saying that. Thank you for giving me this chance to do this.” He paused. “Uh-huh. And when’s the date? Oh god. Oh—uh—no that won’t be a problem. No worries. I can get it done. Uh, yeah. Thank you very much Mr. Crowley. Thank you. Yeah, bye.” 

“What’d he say?” Cas asked. 

“I have to do four new drawings.” Dean said.

“By when?” 

“In six months.” Dean said.

“That’s a pretty long time, right?” He asked. 

“Crowley wants one of them to be oil painted, which I can do, but it’s hard and it takes me a long time. The other three have to be nearly wall sized charcoal angels. It will take me a long time for those too. I swear, charcoal will be embedded into my fingers by the time these six months are over.” 

“Does that mean that we can’t go out for a celebratory drink tonight?” Cas asked. 

Dean paused for a second. “Of course we can.” He held up his gift. “I’ll save the-“ he paused, unscrewed the top and took a sip from his flask“-whiskey in this for when I’m halfway through the oil painting.” 

Cas laughed. “When should we go?” 

“I’ll come down to your apartment at eight. I’m probably gonna be working on sketches of what I’m going to do all afternoon and then I probably have to walk down to that store, you know the one about four blocks away that faxes things? I have to go there to fax the sketches to Crowley’s office to make sure he likes them.” Dean said.

“I’ll see you at eight, then.” Cas smiled. 

Cas kissed Dean and then he left, grabbing an apple from the basket on the table. He bit into it as he closed the door behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas and Dean walked to the bar, huddled together. Cas had a scarf tied tightly around his neck with a thick black jacket. Dean was, of course, wearing a plaid shirt and his brown leather jacket. He held Cas’ hand, keeping it warm. 

“This bar is called The Garrison.” Cas noted. “Did I see something about this place closing down due to health code reasons?”

“No, I think that was The Garden.” Dean said. “But then again, I wasn’t really listening to the broadcast anyways. Sam always turns off my shows to watch the 11 o’clock news.” He made a face.

“Speaking of Sam, Is he gonna propose to Jessica tonight?” Cas asked. 

Dean opened the door and the hot air blew out at them. It felt so good after being in the wintry cold. It was probably close to snowing but it hadn’t yet. It was just plain to-the-bone cold. 

“I don’t know. He said he might. It depended on… something. Honestly, he talked for so long about it I kinda tuned him out.” Dean laughed. 

They took a seat on the leather barstools at the bar and the bartender, a man with a blue and white hat and a prickly gray beard, looked at them. He looked like he recognized Dean and he hurried over.

“Dean! Boy, I didn’t know you came around here.” The man clapped Dean on the shoulder, grinning.

“Bobby! I thought you retired from bartending!” Dean exclaimed.

“I tried. I really did. But sitting around my house rereading the same books over and over gets real old real fast.” He chuckled.

“Bobby, this is Cas. Cas, this is Bobby. Bobby is basically my father.” Dean said. And then he looked over at Bobby, saying “and this is Cas, my boyfriend.” 

Bobby frowned. Cas’ stomach dropped to his feet. Bobby obviously didn’t approve of him. Cas looked down at his feet just as Bobby said angrily “and why haven’t I met him yet? Dean, you idjit, why didn’t you bring him over earlier?”

Cas’ face lit up. Dean shrugged. “I didn’t know you worked here still!” He protested.

Bobby slammed two shot glasses down on the bar. He deadpanned when he looked at Dean. “And I forgot that you didn’t know where my house was. It’s not like you lived there for part of your life or anything. In fact, it’s not like I helped pay for you to go to art school either. It’s not like the least you could do is pay me a visit to introduce me to your boyfriend. Or pay me a visit in general.” 

Dean nodded, putting his hands up. “All right, all right. I should come over more. And we’re here celebrating because I got my second ever art commission, but this one is really awesome.” 

“Congratulations, kid. And you’re damn right, you do need to come over more.” Bobby said, pouring some clear liquid and red liquid into both of the shot glasses. The liquor turned pink and Bobby slid the shots over to the couple.

Cas smiled at Bobby and took off his scarf. He balled it into his pocket. “It’s very nice to meet you, Bobby.” 

“You too, boy.” Bobby nodded. “To Dean” he toasted.

Someone down at the other end of the bar tapped his glass against the table impatiently. 

Bobby sighed. “Gotta go take care of this asshole. I’ll be right back.” He said it loud enough that the man heard him and rolled his eyes. 

“Let’s take these on the count of three, okay?” Dean said.

“What are they made of?” Cas picked up the glass and eyed it suspiciously.

Dean raised his eyebrows and laughed. “That’s a good question. I don’t know. Knowing Bobby, it’s probably pretty strong. Prepare yourself.” Dean laughed.

“To you, Dean. Congratulations on your art commission. One, two, three” Cas counted, and then they took the shot. 

Cas coughed and it burned on the way down. It tasted like raspberry and it had the sting of good vodka. 

Dean set his glass on the table just as Bobby walked back over. “He tapped his drink at me to order a goddamn pina colada.” Bobby shook his head.

“That sucks. How’ve you been?” Dean asked.

Bobby poured them another round of shots. This time the liquid was lighter brown on the bottom and gradually darker brown at the top. “What is this?” Cas asked.

Bobby barked a laugh. “Whiskey, bourbon, scotch whiskey, and tequila. It’s called the Four Horsemen. And Dean, I’ve been pretty good. I work a lot, but I kinda like it. And I have access to all the whiskey I want, so that’s a plus.” 

“Where’d you learn how to make all these fancy drinks, Bobby? You used to only be a beer, whiskey, vodka kinda guy.” Dean said. 

“You gotta learn the business to be in the business.” Bobby shrugged.

Dean laughed and they continued to talk. Dean talked mostly and Cas just listened. He also took a lot of shots. Every time Bobby made one, Cas would just drink it.

“What do you do, Cas?” Bobby asked. 

Cas looked up from the green tinted liquid he had been staring at and he blinked. “Uh, I work at a hotel.” He couldn’t think of the name, for some reason, so he just blinked again. His eyelids felt heavy and the room was spinning. 

Bobby nodded. “Not bad, kid.” 

“I used to work at Heaven’s Brew, but now I don’t.” Cas hiccupped. And then he looked at Dean, his blue eyes wide. “How many shots have I had?”

“A lot” Dean winked, running his tongue across his teeth.

“I’ve been counting. You’ve had almost twenty.” Bobby laughed. “You have a near inhuman alcohol tolerance.” 

“Nearly twenty” Dean’s eyes widened. “That’s a lot.” 

Bobby disappeared, quickly making a martini for another customer. 

“We should probably go home” Cas slurred.

Dean shrugged. “Probably. But I think I’m too drunk to drive or walk, even. I forgot I didn’t even bring the car.” He laughed for no reason.

Bobby nodded hello at a young man who came in and slipped behind the bar. “Hey, Adam. Does your shift start now? I’ll be back, I just need to take these wasted idjits home before they get themselves killed trying to walk.” 

“Thank you, Bobby.” Cas said, his voice was raspy. It sounded funny to his own ears. 

Bobby headed for the door and Cas stumbled after him. Dean grabbed Cas’ side and supported him as he walked.

“Are you okay, Cas?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, I don’t feel that drunk, just a little bit dizzy.” Cas said. “I think I do have a nearly inhuman alcohol tolerance.” 

“Sounds good” Dean said breathlessly.

They got in Bobby’s truck and it rumbled to life. Cas leaned over and put his head on Dean’s shoulder, closing his eyes. 

Cas could feel Dean pick him up but he couldn’t will himself to open his eyes. He just snuggled closer to Dean. Cas felt his head hit the pillow and then Dean shook his shoulder. “Cas, you need to not go to bed in jeans.” Dean whispered. 

Cas quickly slid off his jeans and curled up into a ball. Dean pulled the covers over Cas and kissed him on the cheek. 

“I love you, Dean.” Cas murmured.

“I know” Dean said. 

Cas heard Sam’s bedroom door open and Sam’s footsteps came into Dean’s room. 

“Guess what?” Sam said.

“What?” Dean said. “I’m drunk and I’m tired, make it quick.” He laughed.

“I asked her! I asked her and she said yes! Jess and I are getting married!” Sam exclaimed.

“Congratulations, Sam!” was the last thing Cas heard before he succumbed to sleep.


	16. Six Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise, and so he goes up to investigate.

"Again? Are you serious?" Jess looked like she wanted to throw the phone against the wall, but she just tapped her neatly manicured nails against the side of it. Her teeth were clenched. She just looked really, really angry.

She paced back and forth for a few seconds and then she stopped and rolled her eyes. "It's not fine! You better fix it. I'm not paying for half-assed service. I'm paying you to actually do your job. All right. Okay, goodbye." She flipped her phone shut and tossed it onto the counter. It slid a few inches and stopped right before it slid off. 

Sam walked over to her and rubbed her shoulders. "What happened this time?" He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. 

“The escort card printer spelled my name Jessika. With a k." She closed her eyes and leaned into Sam. "Do you know how many times I checked to make sure I spelled our names right on the card? I probably would have understood if they had spelled Winchester wrong, maybe. But Jessica? That’s just dumb." She sighed.

"What are escort cards?" Dean asked, sitting down at the table holding two coffees in his hands. He slid one over to Cas and Cas nodded in thanks. The coffee was too hot and it burned his tongue a little, but it tasted good anyways.

Sam mouthed "don't ask" and mimed strangling himself but Jess came and sat down at the table before Dean could say never mind. She looked at him excitedly. "Okay, so when the guests come out of the ceremony and they go to sit down for dinner at the reception they need to know where to go. Or rather which table to go to. So with the escort cards, which will be pinned to this cute little bulletin board, it will have each guests name and their table number so they will know where to go." She grinned.

Dean just raised his eyebrows, looking confused.

Jess waved her hand. "Cas, you get it right?"

"Yeah. How else would the guests get to their proper seats?" Cas shrugged nonchalantly.

Dean looked at him and sipped his coffee, one eyebrow raised. "Oh, I should have known. It's obvious." 

Cas deadpanned. "It was obvious." And then one side of his mouth quirked up.

Dean laughed and then rolled his eyes. 

"Are you nervous for tonight?" Cas asked Dean.

Jess grinned and looked at Dean for his answer. Even Sam came over and put his hands on the back of Jess' chair, waiting for the answer. It took a few seconds for Dean to answer and he drank his coffee languidly. 

Finally Dean just shook his head. "No way. I'm already a museum veteran." 

"What do you think Crowley did with those pictures his photographer took of you working?" Jess asked. "Do you think they'll be displayed anywhere?"

"I think they'll probably be wallet sized underneath all my paintings. And they'll say Dean Winchester and then they'll have that picture of me.” Dean shook his head. “That way they don't have to have like a bio or anything but Crowley said it added interest to the whole ordeal." 

Cas nodded. "That's really cool." Dean smiled and winked at him. Cas reached over and put his hand on Deans, intertwining their fingers.

"Just clarifying, it is at 7? Am I right?" Sam asked.

"You really forgot, right? And that’s why you’re asking? Some brother you are. But yeah. It is at seven. Dress nice." Dean grinned, leaned over, kissed Cas, and disappeared into his room. 

"What are you wearing?" Jess asked.

"Just a plain navy blue suit." Cas smiled.

Jess nodded in approval and then she looked at Sam. "Oh, I nearly forgot. We need to go to the cake place to test samples." 

"Cake. Guess I can't turn that down." Sam shrugged.

"I'm gonna go down to my apartment and try to clean. I've worked all week and my apartment has been horridly neglected. I mean, there’s stuff everywhere." Cas said.

"Good luck with cleaning, man." Sam laughed.

Cas slipped out of the room just as Jess began talking about the difference between ivory and cream white. 

Cas checked his watch and then got out his phone, dialing Anna.

"Hello?" She asked.

"You should know it's me, I call every friday at the exact same time. How was work today?" Cas said.

"I got two breaks today. Michael has been so much better now that you're back part-time. I mean, really. Thank you from the bottom of my heart." Anna laughed.

Cas sighed as he unlocked his apartment, holding his phone with his shoulder pressed to his face. "I still haven't gotten around to telling Dean."

"If you haven't told him yet, you just don't want to tell him. You've been back at the Brew for a month now." 

Cas settled on his couch and crossed his ankles on the coffee table. "I don't know. I don't want him to be disappointed in me. I quit my job at the hotel because it was a terrible job, but Dean thinks that the Brew job is terrible too. Really, I’m stuck in between a rock and a hard place."

"You just gotta tell him, get it over with.” Anna said. “And how's Gabe at the hotel? Was it as bad for him as it was for you?" 

"He doesn't mind it, you know. Now that he got promoted to desk worker, he's treated much better." Cas said. 

"That's good for him. Oh, are we meeting up for coffee later? We could go somewhere else, if you want. I know of a good thai place, we could go there?" Anna asked. Cas could hear her shifting the phone from ear to ear as she tried to get something out of one of her creaky drawers.

"No, I'm going to Dean's gala. I'm so proud of him. His painting is one of the main pieces, it’s all very prestigious." Cas automatically grinned even though Anna couldn’t even see his face. 

"You should be proud of him, that’s a big accomplishment. Anyways, I'll let you go. I'm sure you'll be getting ready until then. It's four o'clock right now, you better hurry!" Anna laughed.

"Whatever. I love you. See you at work on Tuesday." Cas let out an exasperated breath. He had to find some way to tell Dean, and he knew it. 

"I love you too." Anna made kissing noises and then hung up the phone.

Cas jumped in the shower and stood in there for a long time, watching the steam rise to the ceiling. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas jumped up at the knock in the door, his new black shoes squeaking against the floorboards. 

"Open up, idjit." It was Bobby. He had said that he would drive them just in case "they got wasted drunk like the other night" which Cas highly doubted would happen because it was such a formal event. 

"Coming" Cas said loudly.

He opened the door and Bobby was standing there wearing a legitimate black and white suit. His hair was combed and gelled back and he was fidgeting with his tie.

"Bobby, you clean up very well." Cas said.

"I know." Bobby said. "I already forced Dean to invite me, I thought I mind as well look nice for his big night." 

“He wanted to invite you, you did not force him.” Cas said. 

“Sure, sure.” Bobby said. 

Cas chuckled and they headed upstairs together. Sam and Jess were waiting in the hallway. 

"Dean threw us out." Sam said.

"Why?" Cas asked.

"Good question." Sam sighed, but he was smiling. “I think Dean was just mad because Jess was talking about red velvet cake versus chocolate cake for our wedding while he was trying to perfectly gel his hair.” 

“Shut up, Sam.” Dean opened the door and stepped out. He was wearing a light grey suit with a white shirt and a blue tie. The tie was tucked into the grey vest and he was looking down at his feet.

“You look really nice, Dean.” Sam said. 

“Thanks, Sammy.” Dean winked and wrapped his arm around Cas, steering him towards the stairs. The whole group followed and waited as Bobby unlocked his truck. 

“We’ll be right behind you in my car” Sam said. 

“Okay, boy.” Bobby said. 

Dean and Cas climbed into the truck and it rumbled to life. 

Cas leaned over to Dean and pressed his lips against Dean’s throat. Then he moved up to Dean’s ear. He caught the edge of it between his teeth and then he whispered “you really do look great. I mean really, you look amazing.” 

Dean turned to Cas and tilted his chin up so that they were kissing. “I’m nervous” Dean whispered so quietly that Cas could barely hear him. 

“Don’t be nervous” Bobby said from the front seat. “You’re talented, kid.” 

Dean looked down at his feet and Cas kissed the top of his shoulder. “Thanks, Bobby.” He said quietly.

“No problem, idjit.” Bobby said. 

“We’re parking here so that we don’t have to deal with all that parking crap, that okay with you two?” Bobby said. “It’s only five blocks away.” 

“Only five blocks” Dean mimicked. And then he laughed and said “no, it’s fine. We can walk.” 

Cas and Dean held hands tightly as they waited for Sam to park a few spaces down from them. He fished in his pocket for a quarter and slid it in the machine. “We’re good for five hours.” Sam said to Jess. 

Jess was wearing an orange-red dress with a tight sparkly bodice. Sam was just wearing a black suit with a white dress shirt. He had his arm around her as they walked over so they could all go to the museum together. 

“No, go ahead. We’re not waiting for you or anything” Bobby scoffed. 

“Sorry” Sam smiled.

Bobby just led the pack and they walked towards the gallery all together. 

“I’m so excited. You hide your art so well, I never even get a hint. Except for this.” Cas raised Dean’s hand and looked at his fingertips. They were stained a little bit black. Cas kissed them. 

“I try to wash them off, I swear I do.” Dean frowned. 

“They’re adorable.” Cas grinned.

They kept walking. Suddenly, the entire group just halted to a stop. The city was moving all around them, but nobody was moving or even breathing. They were transfixed on the giant piece of fabric hanging off the museum with Dean’s picture printed on it. He was wearing his old blue T-shirt and he was painting lightly with a paintbrush. The picture was in black and white. In the middle of each set of columns there was a picture of the artists painting or drawing or sculpting, but the one of Dean seemed so much brighter, so much better, so much more attractive. Cas looked at Dean, who had a bewildered look on his face. His lips were open just a little bit and he looked completely stunned.

“Oh my god. You see it too, right?” Cas broke the silence. 

“How could you not see it? It’s huge. He didn’t say he was gonna do that with it!” Dean breathed.

“Dean, it’s beautiful! Look at you! Look at how beautiful you are.” Cas leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder, the hot evening and the sweet smell of perfume lingered in the air as all the people bumped past them. But the couple looked up, and Cas was so proud and Dean was so happy and at that moment, they were the only two people in the world.

“I’m going to murder Crowley. I wore my old blue T-shirt and it’s on the side of a fucking building.” Dean said quietly, shaking his head.

“I like that shirt.” Cas said. “And aren’t you excited? Look at it!” 

“God damn that’s a huge picture.” Bobby murmured. 

“Crowley didn’t even hint that’s what he was gonna do with it?” Sam asked.

Dean shrugged. “Crowley said that I shouldn’t expect anything big because I wasn’t anybody super famous yet. He didn’t tell me that it was gonna be this big.” 

“Well, I guess the key term is yet. You have one more year of art school left, right?” Jess asked. Dean nodded and she said “now you have a way to pay for it. And all your loans. You could buy an alpaca, honestly. You are gonna be the next DaVinci.” 

“That’s taking it a little far, but I will make some good money doing this.” Dean laughed.

“We don’t wanna be late. They serve the best champagne at the beginning.” Bobby grumbled. “When we come back out, I’ll take a picture of you. Hopefully the street will have cleared up by then.” 

They got in the party and there was a man playing a baby grand piano in the corner. There were waiters zipping around and Dean swiped two glasses when one passed. He handed one to Cas and he went to look for some for Bobby, Sam and Jess but Jess and Sam were getting it at that moment and Bobby already had one and it was already empty. 

“Hello, darling.” Crowley basically appeared out of nowhere. He was holding a glass of whiskey lazily in one hand. 

“You didn’t tell me about the giant picture of me” Dean hissed.

Crowley thought for a moment and then he said “oh, that little thing? Yeah, it was kind of last minute.” He poured the rest of his whiskey into his mouth and set the glass on a passing waiter’s tray. 

“Kind of last minute?” Dean said, raising one eyebrow.

“Yeah, it was one of my assistant’s ideas. I thought it was actually, well, not dumb for once. So I made it happen.” He shrugged. “Now, go see your painting. It’s at the end of the corridor. The two charcoal ones are on either side of it. I’m sure you’ll see it.” Crowley winked and sauntered away.

“A last minute thing” Dean murmured, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“Let’s go see your painting. Rather, let me see your painting.” Cas laughed. 

“It’s not that special” Dean said. 

“Shut up” Cas walked quickly down the hallway, eager to see the painting.

He stopped at least five feet away from it, stunned into stillness.

It was golden and purple and white and it looked like the angel was underwater, the tendrils of fabric floating, obscuring the face and most of the angel’s body, it’s feet extended towards the heavens. The entry point of water was glowing like the heavens had opened up and the beams of light faded as the water got deeper. 

“The angel is drowning in life. I imagined that’s what falling would feel like. Fall into the water, you’re shocked. You’re frozen. And then you sink and you sink and you sink. And then you’re gone.” Dean whisperered.

“Wow” Cas breathed.

The two charcoal pictures on the sides were nearly identical angels looking at each other. The one on the left was reaching out towards the one on the right, the dirt on its face streaked with tears and twisted with pain. The other angel on the right was looking at the other with a serene, calm look on its face. It didn’t seem to care that the other was obviously in pain, obviously crying out for help.

“Is one fallen and the other isn’t?” Cas asked. 

“Exactly.” Dean said. 

“Dean, these are incredible.” Cas said, his blue eyes wide.

Dean looked humbly at the floor and then back up at Cas. “Thank you.” 

“This is really a loss for words, kid. When I said you were talented, I never imagined you were this talented. Boy, this is incredible.” Bobby said quietly. 

“Thank you, Bobby.” 

Sam was standing a few feet in front of Cas, his mouth nearly gaping open. Jess had her fingers pressed to her lips.

“Oh Dean, this is gonna make me cry.” She said, wiping at her eyes with her thumb.

Dean’s eyes widened. “It’s not that good!” He protested.

Jess sniffled. “It’s… phenomenal.” 

Dean bowed his head down again. 

Throughout the night, people came up to Dean to tell him how great his work was. He would just bow his head and say thank you and then he would start up a chat about another artist’s painting. 

“Cas, can you go get me water please?” Dean whispered under his breath during a conversation with an old lady who smelled like moth balls. 

“Sure” Cas said. 

When Cas came back, Dean was leaning against the wall, eyes wide. He downed the water, saying thank you in between gulps, and then he crushed the cup. 

“Are you okay?” Cas smiled.

“This is crazy.” Dean murmured. 

“What’s crazy?” 

“That woman offered me seven thousand for two five by five charcoal paintings.” Dean said.

“Seven thousand?” Cas nearly yelled.

“Shut up! Shut up!” Dean laughed, wrapping his arms around Cas’ neck and kissing him to make him quiet. 

“That’s a lot!” Cas giggled.

“I know!” Dean said. 

“You’re incredible.” Cas whispered.

“Thank you.” Dean’s face turned pinkish with blush. 

“I have to tell you something.” Cas said, “please don’t interrupt me. I just have to get this out right now and then I’ll let you be mad. I mean, maybe I shouldn’t tell you tonight but I already brought it up,” he took a deep breath. “I took back my job at Heaven’s Brew. I hated the hotel, I did. And I went back to the Brew on the account that I would leave the moment Michael treated me wrong. And I’m sorry if you’re mad. And if I ruined your night—god, I’m so stupid.” 

“Are you happier at the Brew? Anna’s there, right?” Dean said quietly.

“I am, Dean. I’m so much happier at the brew.” Cas said. “And yeah, Anna’s there. She’s happy too.” 

“Well, then. As long as you leave if Michael treats you wrong, promise?” Dean said. 

Cas kissed him. “I promise.”

“Well, then, its fine. Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean sighed.

“I thought that you’d think I was dumb for going back. After all the crap he did to me.” Cas said.

Dean shrugged. “As long as you’re happy.” 

“I love you” Cas said. 

“I know.” 

Bobby walked up and leaned against the wall next to Dean. “Hey, idjits.” 

“Hey Bobby. Most people left. My paintings aren’t going to be auctioned this time, they’re gonna auction them later for charity or something. I don’t know. I just have some new clients.” He barked a laugh. “Do you wanna drive home?”

“Yep. I’m proud of you, Dean.” He said. And then he cleared his throat. “Where are the moose and his girl?” 

Cas laughed at the moose remark and then he looked around. Sam and Jess were standing by the edge of the museum, talking. Probably about the wedding. 

“Hey, you guys. Let’s go.” Dean said. 

“Okay” Sam put his arm around Dean. “Big brother, you are petty famous.” 

“Sammy, shut up.” Dean said. “I’m not famous.”

“You will be” Cas teased. 

Dean just shook his head. 

Bobby dropped Cas and Dean off at their apartment, calling after them something unintelligible. All Cas could make out was the word ‘idjits.’ Dean and Cas walked up to Dean’s apartment, the staircase squeaking. Cas’ heart was pounding—not that he’d tell Dean about it—but it was. He was scared that out of nowhere, Alastair would pop out, a gun in his hand. 

Dean and Cas curled up in bed and cuddled against each other, waiting and waiting and waiting. 

But Alastair never came.


	17. Chapter 17

The door opened and slammed against the wall. Sam came in, his face in a perpetual frown.

“What’s wrong with you?” Dean asked. 

Sam grabbed a bottle of liquor and sat down at the kitchen table. “I went over to Jess’ to talk last minute details just in case and she wouldn’t let me into her apartment.” Sam shrugged. “Since when do we believe in superstitions?” He uncapped the bottle and drank straight from it. 

“It is a usual superstition that the groom is not supposed to see the bride twenty-four hours before the wedding. You can’t blame her for wanting to keep a tradition, maybe she’s not even superstitious. Tradition is very important to some people.” Cas said. 

“Speaking of tradition, I think we missed the window for a bachelor party.” Dean said. “But I guess we do have tonight. Let’s go to the strip club, Sammy. And if you’re against that, we could just go to the bar.” 

“No.” Sam rolled his eyes. “I’m not gonna get shit-drunk the day before my wedding.” 

Dean looked at him. “Why not?”

“The wedding march is annoying enough, I honestly don’t think I need a splitting hangover to help that.” Sam said.

“The wedding march isn’t that annoying” Cas interjected.

“Yes it is” Sam and Dean said at the same time. Then they looked at each other and shrugged, laughing.

Cas sighed and grabbed a tortilla chip from the bowl in the middle of the table. 

“Are you really excited?” Cas asked after a moment.

Sam smiled. “I am so excited. I love Jess so much and I can’t wait to start… life… with her.” 

“Good job, Cas.” Dean rolled his eyes. “You’ve turned my little brother into a girl.” 

“I’m going to bed now.” Sam said. He took another drink of the candy colored liquid. 

“Why? No bachelor party? Come on Sammy. We can have it in this very apartment. I think I can probably figure out how to turn the smoke alarm off…” He got up and looked at it. “I think I just need a ladder and a hammer.” 

“I don’t know what we would be doing that needs a smoke alarm to be disabled, but no. Jess would be mad if I looked hung over in all of our wedding photos. Or if all my hair got burnt off.” He looked pointedly at Dean.

“I wasn’t gonna burn your hair off!” Dean yelled after Sam. Sam’s bedroom door shut and Dean shook his head at Cas. “People just don’t know how to have fun anymore, do they?”

“I guess not.” Cas smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The next day, Sam had left before Dean and Cas even got out of bed. Cas went down to his apartment to take a shower and get dressed and they met together at the bottom of the stairs at 4:00 exactly. The wedding started at 4:30 at this garden place. Dean was humming the wedding march the whole way there.

“I retract my statement, Dean. The wedding march is annoying.” Cas growled.

Dean pulled Cas close and kissed him on the forehead. “I know it is.” He threw back his head and laughed.

Cas just rolled his eyes. 

The garden was small, probably with about 30 seats. It was surrounded by flowers and vines and little lanterns hanging down from the low trees. At the very front there was a tiny house with a burgundy roof and white walls. The door was brown and there was a wreath of pink flowers hanging off of it. There were wooden steps and the minister was standing there, looking out at the arriving people with a calm smile. 

Dean nearly ripped his hand out of Cas’ to get to this man with grey scruff and kind eyes. Dean pulled the man into a hug, saying “it’s good to see you! I haven’t seen you in forever!” 

The man’s mouth curved into a smile. “Haven’t seen you since you quit the garage to go to art school, Dean. Man, it’s good to see you again too.” 

“Cas, this is Benny. He used to work at the garage I worked at while trying to pay for Sammy to go to law school.” Dean grinned. “Benny, this is Cas.” 

“It’s a pleasure.” Benny drawled.

“How are you? How’s Andrea and the baby?” Dean asked, sitting down next to Benny. Cas sat next to him, smiling. 

“She ain’t a baby no more. She’s four and she’s beautiful. You gotta come by and meet her sometime. She’d love you. And Andrea misses you too. She’s actually a bridesmaid, so she’s with Jessica right now, but she probably wants to say hi. And we got a new house, so you just gotta come over for a beer sometime. Bring Cas and come next Sunday, sound good?” Benny said.

“That sounds awesome.” Dean said. Then he looked at Cas. “Are you doing anything?” 

Cas shook his head. “I’m off that day, so I’m free.” 

“Great” Benny smiled. 

Cas felt someone sit next to him and he looked up at the face of a kid with a fuzzy mop of black hair. “Hey, Dean!” He said. 

“Kevin!” Dean nearly shouted. “Sam never brings you around anymore, what happened?”

“School happened!” Kevin laughed. “I don’t have time for social interaction.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Kevin, this is Cas and Benny.” 

“Hi guys” Kevin said. 

Ellen, Jo, and Ash walked by. Jo was wearing a flowy blue dress, Ellen was wearing a loose black dress, and Ash was wearing a red corduroy suit with a white shirt underneath. It was half buttoned. He slid the sunglasses down on his nose and then he waved. Cas waved back.

“I’m gonna introduce you to everyone tonight, Cas.” Dean smiled.

“Sounds great.” Cas said. 

By the time the ceremony had started, Cas had met Garth, Chuck, and both of Jessica’s parents. Bobby had told Kevin to move over and now Cas was sitting next to Bobby. Garth was kind of weird, but he seemed okay. He apparently was a family friend of Jessica’s, but nobody really knew how. Chuck was in the same dorm as Jess even though he was studying to be a Creative Writing major. And Dean knew everything about these people. He would ask about their kids and their wives and their girlfriends and their ex-girlfriends and they would laugh with him and Dean would laugh too. 

When nearly every chair was full, Sam walked down the aisle, brushing his hair behind his ears nervously. Dean had left earlier because he was a groomsmen and Garth took his seat. Soft music started to play and the bridesmaids, accompanied by the groomsmen, started to walk down the aisle.

The bridesmaids, this girl who Dean had told him was named Charlie, and this other girl who Dean said was Benny’s wife, Andrea. They were both wearing long sleeve gold dresses. They looked beautiful and both of their hair was tied into a knot at the base of their head. It looked more complicated the more Cas looked at it, with small knots and small diamond pins. They stood by one side of the ceremony space while the boys stood by the other. 

The wedding march started to play, slow and clear and everyone stood up. 

Jessica rounded the corner, her arm looped around her father’s and her mother’s. Her dress was beautiful. It was fitted lace on the top and then it cascaded out into tulle. Her hair was curled into loose ringlets and the veil hung down her back to the floor. But the most gorgeous part about her was the way she was looking at Sam. She only saw him. Her eyes were so in love, so happy. And she looked like she was about to cry just looking at the man she loved with a beautiful ferocity. And then Cas looked at Sam. He was standing, just looking like he wanted to run down the aisle and scoop her up into his arms. He was so happy, his grin bigger than Cas had ever seen, and he looked like he was going to cry too. They were just so in love. 

Cas heard sniffles next to him and he looked at Garth, who was wiping his eyes with a plaid hankerchief. “I’m such a sucker when it comes to weddings.” He cried. 

Jess got up to the front and Sam took her hands, his knuckles turning white he was holding them so hard. 

“We have gathered here today to witness the union of Jessica Moore and Sam Winchester.” The minister said. “Marriage is the promise of hope between two people who love each other with their whole souls, who honor each other as people, completely and deeply, and who want to unite their lives and share the future together for the rest of their lives and after that. In this ceremony, they will dedicate themselves to the happiness and well-being of each other, in a union of mutual caring and responsibility. They will become one person because the love they have for each other will commit them together. The couple has also chosen to speak their own vows, which they will do now.” 

Sam laughed nervously and fumbled in his pocket for a half-crumpled piece of paper. He held it with one shaky hand and began to read. “Jessica, I promise to be whatever you need whenever you need it. You are beautiful and incredible and the smartest woman I have ever met. You made me feel like I was so important, because I was important to you. I promise to hold your hair when you’re sick, to get you chocolate when you’re sad, and not laugh at you when you cry at television shows.” He stopped and looked into Jessica’s eyes before he added “Well, I’ll try not to laugh at you when you cry at television shows.” Jessica wiped her eyes and brought his hand to her lips, kissing it. “The first time I saw you, it was like something just clicked. I saw you across that room and I had to talk to you. If I hadn’t talked to you that night I would have gone crazy. You were so beautiful with your hair up and your sweatpants on, just studying so intently, but laughing and talking with your friends at the same time. And when I came over to introduce myself, I felt like I was just going to burst if you said no. But you looked up at you’re your eyes so big and so stunning, and you said sure. And we could have gone anywhere and done anything and I would still chase you to the ends of the earth trying to get you to go out with me again and again. But by some miracle, you liked me too. And then you loved me too. And now here we are, getting married.” He paused. “You are my better half and I can’t wait until we are old people, grumbling at the kids stepping on our lawns. And I can’t imagine my life without you in it. And when you say I do, you’re never getting rid of me, we’re stuck together.” He winked. “And I love you so much. You are my best friend and the woman I love, and I am so happy that today will be the first day of the rest of our lives.” 

Jessica wiped her eyes and Sam brushed her cheek with his thumb, laughing and smiling and so happy and so lovely.

“I promise to never ask you to cut your hair, even if it grows until it hits the floor. I promise to make you coffee when you’re late for work and I promise to listen to you always whatever the story. I promise to be there for you when times get hard and I promise to stay with you through anything. You’re stuck with me too, Sam. And you’re not getting rid of me, ever. I love you, Sam Winchester. I saw you looking at me from across the room and I instantly got butterflies. And you came closer and closer and you leaned on the table and smiled at me and asked me to go to dinner and there was no way I could say no. And I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. You are sweet and you are funny and you are romantic.” She stopped to wipe tears out of her eyes. “And I couldn’t ask for anyone better to spend the rest of my life with. And I promise not to try to talk you out of buying plaid,” she smiled, “I promise to laugh at your jokes, even when they’re not funny. And I promise to be available when you need me, and right with you when you want me, and I will be by your side until you take your last breath, and after that, I’ll still be in love with you. I don’t care how you look, or how you dress, or how your hair is. I am in love with your soul, the kindest and sweetest soul I have ever come across in my life. And I get to be with you, with that soul, for the rest of my life. And that makes me the absolute luckiest girl in the world.” She sniffled. “Whatever happens, whatever we go through, whatever obstacles come up, you are mine, and I am yours. Forever.” 

She looked into his eyes and smiled broadly. “I cannot wait to wake up to you every single morning. I promise, that no matter how many years pass, I will still be as in love with you as I am today.” 

There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. 

“If anyone has any objections to the union of these two, speak now or forever hold your peace.” The minister paused. 

Nobody said anything, and he nodded, grinning. “Sam Winchester, do you take Jessica Moore to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?” 

“I do.” Sam said.

“Do you, Jessica Moore, take Sam Winchester to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

“Yes, yes. I do.” Jess grinned. 

“It is customary to exchange rings as a symbol of love. As the rings have no end, so your love shall have no end, it will go on forever. A circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth, and of the universe. It is a symbol of wholeness, and perfection, and of peace. The rings you give and receive this day, are symbols of the union you enter together as a married couple. They will forever be a symbol of your forever abiding love.” The minister said.

“Sam, put the ring on her hand and repeat after me.” The minister said. “Jessica, this ring I give to you as a pledge of my faith and love forever.” Sam repeated it and the minister said “Jessica, put the ring on his hand and repeat after me. Sam, this ring I give to you as a pledge of my faith and love forever.” Jessica did it and then she grabbed Sam’s hand holding it to her heart.

“May every blessing and grace and gifts be yours, may your love and passion grow stronger with each day. All the days of your life, may you walk gently through the world and know its beauty because now you have found the love that some people can’t even dream of. You will not feel the rain, for each of you will shelter the other. You will feel not cold, for each of you will warm the other. You will not feel solitude, for each will be with the other. You are no longer just two people, you have become one by your commitment today. And by the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” He turned to Sam. “You may now kiss the bride.” 

Sam practically scooped her up, kissing her. She grinned and then they walked down the aisle holding hands and the bridal party followed. Dean winked at Cas as they passed. 

The reception was close to where the ceremony was and Cas walked with Bobby on the way there.

“That almost made me cry. And I’m not exactly a crier.” Bobby said gruffly.

“They’re just so in love.” Cas smiled softly. 

“Boy, there’s only a few loves like that witnessed in a lifetime. I’m lucky. I’ve seen you and Dean, Sam and Jess. Me and my wife.” Bobby sighed. “It’s the kind of love that makes you feel like whatever happens, as long as you’re with them, you’re gonna be fine. Kid, you better hold on tight.” 

Cas’ mouth dropped open a little bit. “Thank you very much, Bobby.”

Bobby chuckled. They got to the reception space. It was a white tent with tables underneath it and then an outdoor dance floor with sparkly white lights strung above it. 

“Did Jess say there was gonna be dinner?” Bobby asked.

Cas nodded and Bobby said “good, I’m starving.” 

They got to the bulletin board where the escort cards were pinned and Cas grabbed his. 

“I’m at table 2. I think that’s where the bridal party is.” Cas said. “I’m probably with Dean, then.” 

“I’m at table 6.” He looked at the board and saw that he was at the same table with Chuck and Kevin. Then he looked at saw that he was sitting with Garth. “Wish me luck.” He laughed. 

“Good luck!” Cas called after him. 

When nearly all the tables were full, Dean came in with a microphone. “I don’t really know why they asked me to do this, but for the very first time, here is Mr. and Mrs. Sam Winchester!” He laughed as Sam and Jess came in. The band started to play a soft, slow song and Sam and Jess stood in the middle of the dance floor. Sam was so tall he had to bend down a little to kiss Jess, which was all kinds of adorable. 

When the first dance was over, Dean came over and sat next to Cas. “After dinner, you owe me a dance.” He said.

“Owe you a dance? Why am I indebted to you?” Cas smirked.

Dean smiled. “Fine. Will you please dance with me after dinner?”

Cas paused for a second. “I would love to.” 

They were served dinner and the table was laughing the entire time. Benny kept telling jokes and Andrea would make fun of them. Charlie was hilarious, making snappy comments whenever Dean tried to make fun of her clearly visible Princess Leia tattoo.

“You wish you were as cool as princess Leia.” She rolled her eyes. 

“Do I? Are you sure?” Dean laughed. “I don’t think so.”

“I’m positive.” Charlie said. 

When the plates were cleared, Dean got up and offered his hand to Cas. “Ready to dance?”

“Always.” Cas said.

They got on the dance floor, the lights shining above them like stars, and they held each other close. Cas put his hands around Dean’s neck and Dean put his hand on Cas’ hips. They swayed back and forth.

“I’m not really the romantic type” Dean whispered, “but this wedding was pretty nice.” 

“It was beautiful. Sam and Jess are so in love.” Cas said.

“We’re so in love.” Dean said.

“I know.” Cas kissed him.

Dean kissed Cas’ jaw and then looked into his so blue eyes. “Will you marry me, Cas?”

“Are you being serious?” Cas said. He played with the small hairs at the back of Dean’s neck.

“I’m serious. Castiel Novak, will you marry me?”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s an artist, Cas just moved in downstairs. Castiel wonders why Dean plays his music so loud and stomps around so much and makes so much noise so he goes up to investigate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! It was kind-of hard for me to write, but now that finals are over, I should be free to write the last chapter + the epilogue.

Cas woke up the next morning, his eyelids heavy with extra alcohol and lack of sleep. Dean leaned over when he saw Cas was awake and kissed him. Dean tasted like spearmint toothpaste. Cas blinked a few times and then smiled, resting his hand on the stubbly side of Dean’s face.

“Sam went to Jessica’s house, right?” Cas asked quietly, a breathy laugh escaping his lips.

Dean brushed his finger along Cas’ too chapped lips before saying “of course.” Dean grinned. “He’s gonna move out all the way today or tomorrow. He’s all packed but he needs to move all of it before he leaves for his honeymoon on Sunday.” 

“Oh, that’s nice.” Cas laid back down and closed his eyes, curling up into a ball against Dean. Dean was warm and so soft.

Dean leaned forward and kissed just under Cas’ ear, making him shiver. Goosebumps rose all over Cas’ body. “I’m gonna be all alone in this big apartment.” He sighed. “It’s gonna be lonely, Cas.” 

“Mmmhhmm.” Cas murmured. He was just enjoying Dean’s lips. They kept pressing against Cas’ neck and Cas could feel him moving slowly down Cas’ spine. 

“I was just thinking that because you said yes to us getting married” Dean cleared his throat and Cas opened one eye, smiling. “I was wondering if you wanted to move in?” 

Cas rolled over onto his other side and put his head on Dean’s chest. Dean put his arm around Cas’ shoulders. “Are you sure?” Cas asked.

Dean brushed Cas’ hair back from his forehead and ran his fingers through it. “Of course I’m sure. I’m gonna turn Sammy’s room into a studio for me to do art in and then you can live here too.” Dean kissed Cas’ forehead gently.

“I practically live here anyways.” Cas mumbled.

“I know.” Dean laughed. “So paying rent for your apartment is pretty much pointless.” 

“I could pay for half of rent here.” Cas said. “I wouldn’t want to feel like a burden.”

“You wouldn’t be a burden, but if it makes you feel better then deal?” Dean asked. 

“Deal.” Cas agreed. He stretched up and kissed Dean’s jaw. “Thank you very much.”

“We can put Sammy’s boxes in my car and I’ll drive them over tonight.” Dean said. “I mean, if you want to help. You don’t have to.” 

“I’m good with helping.” Cas said. 

Dean pulled Cas up again and kissed him hard, knotting his hands in Cas’ hair. Cas leaned over Dean’s body and straddled him. He rubbed his body against Dean’s. Dean moaned a little bit.

“Better be prepared for lots of manual labor today.” Dean winked. He kissed Cas’ collarbone gently.

“With you or with the boxes?”

Dean shrugged and then laughed. He got close to Cas’ face, bumping their noses together. “Both” he growled.

Cas grinned and caught Dean’s bottom lip with his teeth. Dean pressed himself closer to Cas. “We should get ready.” Dean said, his voice raspy and thick.

“You ruin all the fun.” Cas said. He rolled off Dean’s hips and pulled the covers back over his legs.

Dean laughed and took his shirt off. He got off the bed and threw the shirt, basketball style, into the corner of the room. It made it straight in the laundry basket and Dean threw up his arms in triumph.

“I’m impressed.” Cas chuckled.

Dean pulled on a pair of jeans and put a blue T-shirt on. “Get dressed, Cas.” 

“Don’t boss me around.” Cas pouted.

Dean raised his eyebrows and winked again.

Cas pulled on a grey shirt and his jeans with the hole in the back pocket and he yawned, stretching his arms up in the air. “Want breakfast?” He asked.

“Just coffee would be good.” Dean said, tugging a plaid shirt off the hanger.

Cas disappeared out of the bedroom and Dean could hear the coffeemaker start. The small apartment filled with the warm scent of coffee and Dean took a deep breath, smiling.

“Do you want it black?” Cas yelled after a few minutes. He leaned against the counter as the coffeemaker spit out the tar colored liquid.

“Do we have caramel creamer? I think Sammy got some from the store the other day.” Dean yelled.

Cas came into the bedroom, bumping the door open with his hip. “Dean, you don’t like caramel creamer. I do.” 

Dean smiled. “I know.” 

“We’re like a married couple already.” Cas grinned. “We know each other’s food preferences.” 

Dean nodded, smirking. And then he downed his coffee in one gulp. “I’m gonna brush my teeth real quick and then I’ll be ready, okay?”

“Eager, are you?” Cas asked. “I’m in no hurry. But I suppose we can leave right away.” 

Dean just rolled his eyes.

Two hours later they were both lifting boxes into the Impala, the sun beating down on their backs hard. They were panting. Sam had a lot more boxes than Dean had hinted at.

 

“Who knew plaid could be so heavy?” Dean huffed.

Cas pushed his hair back from his sweaty forehead.

“Are you doing that piece for that old lady? The one who commissioned you at the gala?” Cas lifted the last box into the back seat, his muscles aching.

“Yeah, I’m almost done with it.” Dean said softly. He wiped his sweaty forehead on his shirt sleeve.

“What’s wrong?” Cas leaned against the car. Dean reached into the front seat where he had put a cooler when they had started and pulled out a beer. Dean popped off the top and Cas took a big drink. He mentally thanked Dean for being prepared.

Dean held the beer in his hands for a moment. “I don’t know. I just think that maybe Alastair will still come. And he’ll still hurt you. Or me. It’s freakin’ me out that he hasn’t come yet, you know?” He shrugged. “I just feel like he’s gonna come one of these days. He’s waiting for the calm. The calm before the storm or whatever that shit is.” Dean squinted as Cas, the sun shining in his eyes.

Cas’ eyes were sad. “ Dean, really? Alastair?”

Dean looked down at his feet, embarrassed. 

“You can’t be scared of him.” Cas said. “It’s going to affect your art, it’s going to affect everything. You can’t let him get to you.” 

Dean didn’t say anything. He just took a drink from his beer again, sighing.

“I heard that no one has even seen him in town for at least three months.” Cas said. He had been keeping tabs on Alastair through Anna who was following what he was doing per Cas’ request. “You know, he probably left. We told the cops about him, they have his picture. People are supposed to report him if they see him, he wouldn’t dare stay here.” 

Dean took another sip of his beer and then he nodded. “Thank you, really. I don’t understand why I keep worrying about that motherfucker. I shouldn’t, I know. So thanks.” 

Cas grinned. “That’s what I’m here for.” 

Dean stopped and was still, just for a moment, and he just looked at Cas. His eyes were unreadable but gentle, and Cas felt instantly self-conscious.

“What?” Cas asked.

“Nothing, nothing.” Dean shrugged, still looking at Cas with a funny look on his face. His lips were curved into a small smirk.

“What, Dean? Do I have something on my face? What?” Cas said, frustrated.

“You are… amazing.” Dean said, shaking his head. “I don’t know.” 

Cas blushed a little bit. “I’m sweaty and gross.”

“You’re beautiful. Especially when you blush like that.” Dean took another drink.

Cas blushed deeper.

“Why?” Cas said quietly.

“I dunno Cas.” Dean said. “It’s the way you act and the way you speak and walk and everything.” Dean’s voice faded sheepishly as he talked. “It’s hard to put into words.”

Cas set his beer on the roof of the Impala and he leaned forward. “Then don’t use words.” 

Dean’s face broke into a grin and he put his beer in the car. “Dammit. There’s stuff in the car. So we can’t fuck in there.” He growled. 

“Then let’s go upstairs.” Cas murmured.

“Sounds good” Dean locked the car and grabbed Cas’ hand, running upstairs. They got just outside the apartment when Dean grabbed Cas and shoved him up against the wall. Cas made a feral noise from his throat as Dean kissed him and kissed him and kissed him. Dean carried him into the apartment, dropping the keys on the floor. Cas kept kissing Dean’s neck and collarbones and every inch of skin he could reach. Dean laid Cas gently on the bed and started to unbutton his pants, smiling so big the whole time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean came into Cas’ apartment. “Hey.” He said.

“Was Sam happy that you brought him his stuff?” Cas smiled.

“Kinda. He wanted alone time with his wife, apparently. But he also was happy that we did all the work for him.” Dean sighed. “How ungrateful.” 

Cas laughed threw the last shirt in his closet into the box. Dean got all the hangers and put them in another box, folding up Cas’ bed sheets and putting them on top. “Do you want to stop for the night? The next rent’s not due for like three days.”

“You’re right.” Cas said. “I’m tired anyways.” 

Dean yawned. “Me too.” He looked sleepily at Cas, his smile big.

“When are you turning Sam’s room into a studio?” Cas asked. “Is it a work in progress?”

“Yeah, probably after you move in. It’s not a huge thing, it’s just all my stuff not all over the apartment.” Dean shrugged. “Instead it’ll be in one room, I guess.”

Cas laughed. “Sounds good. Want to go upstairs?”

“Sure.” Cas grabbed one of the last boxes and Dean grabbed the other one. There was only one box left and it could wait until morning. It was only Cas’ kitchen utensils, after all.

They put Cas’ stuff down and sat on the couch. Cas leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Thank you for letting me move in.” 

Dean rolled his eyes. “I’m not letting you move in, I asked you too.” 

“Well, thank you.” 

“It’s a pretty big burden, I know. But you’re worth it.” Dean said sarcastically. He looked up, his eyes wide.

Dean got up from his seat and he walked over to the window. He pulled the curtain back and looked out the window. He paused for a second and then he turned around, pulling the curtains shut tight again. “Uh, Cas. You wanna go down and get the last box?” 

“I thought we were gonna get it tomorrow…” Cas frowned.

“Can you please go get it? It’ll just be convenient for tomorrow. I don’t have a spatula and I think you do.” Dean said.

“Uh, okay.” Cas said. He got up and went to leave. Just before he left Dean said “wait!” Cas turned around. 

“I love you.” Dean breathed. “From the first moment I saw you. Don’t forget that.”

Cas’ eyebrows went up in confusion. “Are you okay?”

Dean grinned. “Just thought you should hear it once in a while.”   
Cas blushed. “I love you too, Dean.” 

Dean smiled and then he turned around back towards the window, peering out the curtain. Cas jogged down to his apartment. On the stairs, a man in a black hoodie ran into Cas. Cas stopped and turned towards him, “Oh, sorry.” Cas said.

The man didn’t say anything so Cas just went into his apartment. He didn’t really think of it. It was probably the weird upstairs neighbor who always smelled like burnt cheese. Cas bent down and grabbed the box from the kitchen counter and started out the door. 

Cas heard the gunshots rattle through the apartments. The box fell out of his hands.

“Dean.” The words were ripped from Cas’ lips and his feet scraped the ground as he tried to get up the stairs as fast as he could.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I felt like there should be a warning. Tw: suicide. Tw: Accidental suicide. Sorry this took so long. xxXX

Cas stood in the doorway. The man in the black hoodie had a gun hanging loosely in his left hand. He was swinging it back and forth like a pendulum. And then Cas saw Dean. Cas' heartbeat stopped, his breathing stopped. There was only Dean, who was laying on the ground, his hands pressed to his stomach, breathing hard. Both his hands had a dark red tint staining them.

"Dean" Cas said, softly. He started towards Dean, ignoring the man in the hoodie near completely. All he cared about, all he could see, was Dean.

Dean's eyes widened. "Cas, don't! Run!" He yelled. He took his hand off his wound to point at Cas and it showed the bloody extent of his wound. It was a relatively small hole but blood blossomed around it, staining Dean's shirt and skin.

The man turned around, a big grin on his face. "If you come any closer I swear I'll murder you too. Don't you even fucking think about it. Want to go all heroic and save him, whatever. This isn't a damn fairytale. And this time, you can't save him. Because you're going to die too." It was Alastair. 

"Go! Go Cas!" Dean shouted, almost in tears. "RUN, YOU SON OF A BITCH! RUN!" 

Cas didn't hear Dean, not even a little bit. There was a loud ringing in his ears and he stood still for just a moment. He could run, and he could save his life. But then he thought, what would life if I left the love of my life to die on the cold floor, all alone, while a man with incredible hatred running through his veins taunted him until his last moments. So Cas lurched forward, almost by some unseen force and ran to Dean's side. Cas collapsed by him, pulling Dean's head into his lap and quickly brushing his hair out of his face."Shh. It's gonna be fine. I promise." Cas whispered.

"No" Dean said weakly. But Cas just stroked the side of his face with the backs of his fingers, so gently, whispering words of reassurance over and over.

"I warned you didn't I. I said I would do this but you kept painting those goddamn angels. And now, you'll become one." Alastair laughed. "What you always wanted. God, you're such an idiot. And now your boyfriend will die too." Alastair held up the gun, pointing it at Cas. "And it's all because of you, Winchester." 

Cas looked down at Dean, tears in his eyes. He spoke softly and quickly, like he didn't know if he could get it all out before the inevitable bullet. "Dean, I love you. I love you so much. He can shoot me, I don't care. Please, Dean. Hold on. Stay with me. Okay? Someone in the building must have called the police. They'll come with the ambulance and they'll make you all better. Please, Dean. I... I can't-" His voice faded away as tears streamed down his face.

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. "I never let you fall." He said. "I said... I said I never would and I never did."

"I know you didn't. I know. But don't you say goodbye. Not yet. We were gonna grow old together. I can't do it without you. I need you."

"This is all very touching. This could be a fucking Disney movie." Alastair chuckled "but I am gonna shoot Cas right now and no one cares? You're not gonna do anything about it, Dean? Oh, I forgot. You're about to die too." 

"Shut up." Cas growled.

"You know, I don't think I will." 

"Go get him" Dean said almost unintelligibly. 

"SHUT UP!" Cas screamed. He was crying and hysterical and he got up, leaving Dean for just one second. But this was something he had to do. If Dean was gonna die, Cas didn't want his murderer standing in the room, laughing and taunting. He wanted Dean to go with love and comfort and sweetness. 

"You got what you wanted, leave!" Cas yelled.

"You're right. What are you without him?" Alastair sneered. "You're nothing. You work 9-5 at a shit coffee shop. Dean dies and you have nothing left. So killing him, I'm basically killing you too. You're disgusting and weak."

Cas reached into the small space between the kitchen drawers where Sam had hidden a gun in case Alastair came back. He held the silver thing in both hands, pointing it at Alastair. "It's a draw. How weak am I now?" Cas tried to steady his shaking fingers. 

Something flashed in Alastair's eyes and he backed away slowly. His mouth curved into a smile. "Very smart." He winked. And then he stepped into the hallway. "But not as smart as what I'm about to do. I guess I can't be held accountable if I'm dead. And if there's no one to take revenge on, who can be blamed for Dean's death? Who can make it all better? No one. But who gets to suffer?" He pointed at Cas, laughing hard. "You." Alastair wiped the tears out of his eyes and put the gun in his mouth.

"NO!" Cas screamed.

With a loud bang, Alastair was dead.

Cas ran over and slammed the door so Alastair's body couldn't be seen and ran over to Dean's side. He knelt down next to him and Dean grabbed his hand, staining it with his blood. But Cas didn't care. "What can I do?" Cas whispered.

"Just... just stay with me. Don't leave me." Dean said. 

"I won't. Ever." Cas cried, burying his head in Dean's shoulder.

"Tell Sammy congratulations. And tell him that I was always so proud of him. And tell him and Jess that I love them. Tell everybody that, you know. Bobby and Ellen and Ash and all of them. I don't tell them enough." He winced in pain, hissing through his teeth.

"Don't you say goodbye." Cas sobbed. "Please." Cas didn't even know who he was pleading to anymore.

"You were always the best thing... that happened to me. You were the... angel I always hoped... to draw." Dean's words caught on the way out.

"Thank you for being everything I ever needed and wanted." Cas said softly. "And I pray that this isn't the last time we are together. I pray that I'll see you in the next life. Because there's no way I can ever truly be parted with you. There's no way that this feeling can mean something other than us being together in every lifetime. God, I love you so much." Cas' tears dripped onto Dean's already stained shirt. 

Dean smirked, his eyelids closing slowly. "Always a poet." 

"I need you, Dean Winchester." Cas cried.

Dean didn't say another word. He just squeezed Cas' hand one last time. And then he took his last breath.

When the paramedics burst in they all stopped, so quiet, so respectful. Cas was just holding Dean so tight and sobbing so silently. Dean's blood was everywhere, all over Cas and all over the floor. But Cas still clung to Dean as hard as he could. 

"Sir? Sir. You're gonna have to... let him go. He's gone." Two of the paramedics took Dean slowly out of Cas' arms and put him on the stretcher.

"I promised." Cas cried wordlessly. 

"What?" The lady paramedic asked. She turned around and faced Cas.

"I promised I wouldn't let him go, please. Let me see him. One last time." 

The lady, with tears in her eyes, nodded. "Sure, kid." She backed away and watched as Cas approached Dean's body.

Cas bent down and kissed Dean one last time. "You never let me fall." He whispered.

And the paramedics took Dean away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ONE YEAR LATER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jessica looked at Sam and stirred her coffee with her finger. "I still miss him." 

"Me too." Sam said softly, running a hand through his hair. 

"Is Cas still not accepting of it?" Jess rested her head on her hand sadly.

"He's having a really hard time. He doesn't even go to work that much anymore, according to his sister. He just sits around and... does nothing." Sam said. "Anna said that she can't get him out of the house to do anything. He just sits in the apartment and watches TV and that's about it." Sam shrugged.

"Is that why you check on him all the time?" Jess said. Sam did check on Cas an awful lot. He had ever since Dean's funeral. They had driven down the road with Dean's body wrapped up in the backseat, just Sam and Cas and Jess and Dean, all together once again. And they looked for a spot where they could bury him. And while driving down an unmarked road Cas just pointed off into the woods. "What?" Sam had said. And then he saw it. It was a clearing and the sun hit it just right so it looked like there was a beam coming directly from the sky onto the one spot of ground. It was surrounded by tall, lovely trees and it was beautiful. It was perfect for Dean. Sam and Cas carried the body and Jess carried the shovel. Sam and Cas worked for hours to dig the grave and they lowered Dean in it, a final thump as Dean landed on the soft, wet dirt. They said a few words, simple words. Dean wasn't a man who required long speeches or a thought out funeral with snacks at a big church. He needed a small clearing and a bottle of whiskey passed between his family. Cas took the whiskey and took a long swig. And then he just said in a calm voice "We will be together again, I promise. I won't let you fall either." And that worried Sam. It worried him a lot. But he just took note of it for later and drank more whiskey and cried some more and pulled Jessica into his arms and they stayed there until the next morning when wet dew covered everything in sight. Cas nailed together a cross because even though Dean wasn't that religious of a man, he felt that there should be some kind of marker, and he stuck it in the ground and kneeled next to it, whispering something Sam couldn't hear. And Sam didn't forget that. So he checked on Cas at least once a week, to remind Cas that someone remembered him and someone loved him.

"Yeah. I'm afraid of what he's gonna do to himself. He drinks a lot, I know that. And even though Anna and Gabe cleaned house and took it all away every time I go over there he's got another bottle." Sam said. "And he's just so sad, Jess." 

"You're a good man, Sam Winchester." Jess nodded. "For taking care of him."

"Not really." Sam sighed. "Last time I went over he was crying and I bent down next to him and I told him that Dean would want him to be happy. That Dean would want him to keep living his life. And Cas just responded with 'I miss everything about him. I miss waking up next to him and kissing him and knowing that there was someone who loved me despite all my flaws' and then he just kept crying and whispering 'I miss everything about him' and it- god, Jess- it broke my heart." 

"You check on him almost every night now." Jess got up and kissed Sam. She wrapped her arms around him. "He's not getting any better by you doing that."

Sam shrugged. "It's the least I could do. Dean would want me to look out for him."

"Alright. But you have to call someone first thing Monday. We need to get him help."

"I promise I will. I'll be right back. I'll get milk on the way home, okay?" Sam grabbed the Impala's keys from the hook.

"Okay" Jess grinned. "I love you. Be careful."

"I will. I love you too." Sam kissed Jess and slipped out the door.

Sam got in the Impala and drove to Cas'. He knocked on the door a few times and it swung open a little more with each knock. Sam knew that you shouldn't go into a house if the door was already open, but maybe Cas was in trouble. Sam opened the door and froze at the sight he saw. 

Cas was laying on the couch, eyes closed, the most peaceful look on his face. He looked so beautiful and calm. It was the most calm Sam had seen him since Dean had died. And in his hands was a little silver flask with an angel on it, left over whiskey dripping out of it and landing on the floor. Sam went over, almost silently, and felt Cas' pulse. He pulled back quickly like Cas' flesh had burned him and he stood up, tears in his eyes. "Oh god" Sam breathed. "Oh my god."

He was gone.


	20. Epilogue

The first thing Cas noticed, strangely enough, was that the light that enveloped him was not white. He had always heard that death would be like a white light washing over him, but it was more yellow, more golden. It felt warm and lovely. It felt like home. It brushed against his skin like a soft blanket and he fell into it, feeling so calm and so full of peace.

And before his eyes even had a chance to adjust to his new environment there was someone holding him so tight. He could feel the strong arms around him and he could smell the strong scent of cinnamon. 

"You stupid son of a bitch look what you've gotten yourself into now." The someone stopped holding him. "You're here too soon." 

Cas recognized that voice. Dean. His Dean. He must be dreaming. This had happened all the time before Cas had died. He would drink and drink until Dean would appear before him, good as new, happy and healthy. But this time, this dream, Dean was touching him. And as Cas' eyes adjusted, Dean was standing before him. He looked as beautiful as ever. His eyes green as spring grass, his hair neatly tousled. He was wearing a red plaid shirt and jeans with his favorite boots. He looked good. He looked better than he had the last time Cas had seen him, and it was so hard to believe. 

"Dean..." Cas started.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" Dean stood a few feet away from Cas but Cas didn't dare go any closer.

"I didn't do it on purpose. But I stopped seeing you... when I drank. So I kept going thinking that you would come back and you didn't and I kept drinking and drinking... and then I woke up here." Cas shrugged, sad. 

He looked around. They were in an art museum, strangely enough. It was very grand and large but Cas didn't recognize it.

"This is my heaven." Dean answered Cas' thoughts. "It's uh, the Metropolitan Museum of Art... in New York. Sammy and I went once, when we were kids. It's what inspired me to become a artist actually." He breathed out a big puff of air, like he had been holding his breath the whole time. 

"It's pretty." Cas said. He felt like he was going to cry. His face was hot and he was embarrassed. He didn't mean to die and he at least thought Dean would be a little happy to see him. 

"I heard you, you know. What you said to me at the funeral. It was beautiful. Thank you for picking that spot and thank you for making it... awesome. As awesome as a funeral can be, I guess." Dean said softly.

Cas had poured out his feelings that day and it shocked him to know Dean actually heard him. "You... heard that?" Cas whispered.

Cas had fiercely whispered broken proclamations of love and memories like the time Dean had made him laugh so hard that his face ached for a day afterwards and the time when Cas had been sleeping and at three in the morning Dean kissed him awake so they could go get donuts together. There were so many memories that were so dear to Cas' heart, so wonderful. It was simple and it wasn't a lot but it was Cas' heart and how Cas loved him.

"Of course." Dean said. "And I hear you now."

All in one motion, Dean scooped Cas up into his arms and kissed him. Dean, even in heaven, still tasted like spearmint toothpaste and still smelled the same and his lips still felt the same and Cas was so overcome with emotion he just balled his fists and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and kissed him as hard as he could. Cas was with Dean, finally. Cas was home.

"I missed you so much" Dean breathed.

"I missed you too. With everything in me, every day." Cas said.

"I love you" Dean murmured, kissing Cas' neck.

Cas buried his face in Dean's hair. "I know."

"I have someone I want you to meet." Dean said.

Dean pulled back from Cas, still keeping a protective arm around him. A blonde woman walked in the door. She was beautiful. And Cas knew exactly who she was: Dean's mom.

"Um, Cas. This is my mom, Mary. Mom, this is Cas." Dean blushed.

"Hi, Cas." Mary hugged him, smiling. 

"Hello, Mary." Cas grinned. "Very nice to finally meet you."

"So this is the boy you're in love with?" Mary asked Dean. 

Dean nodded, pulling Cas close.

"I approve." Mary winked. "Now, Cas. Tell me about yourself." She put her arm around the two boys and they walked down the hallway together, admiring the art and talking about life.


End file.
